Today marks the three-month anniversary since Luis’ passing. This entire adaptation period has been nothing short of difficult and although I wish there was a book with step-by-step instructions on how to handle this, I’ve come to understand that grief is something you must experience. There is no way around it. You can’t cut the corners or hide away hoping that it will not catch up to you, because it will. The harsh reality is that everyone grieves differently and what works for someone else, may not help you in the slightest. While some prefer to keep themselves busy, others may find comfort in the silence and freedom of being alone.

I have realized a few things that I like to do to prevent me from falling apart, or at least lessen its severity. One of my greatest biggest fears is forgetting and I believe that I am not alone in this. Everyone is afraid of forgetting in some degree. One day our minds will not be as sharp or as keen as they are in this very moment. Time is notorious for fading the details of our memories, so I write. I write to remember. When I am sad, I write down a special memory that I have of Luis in a journal so that on days when I do not feel like writing, I can go back and relive the feeling of having him here with me. I am currently on memory number 136 and my list is continuing to grow. I am also extremely thankful for all of the videos and pictures I have of Luis. While some people do not like to look at pictures after the loss of someone special, I have found it extremely helpful. Once again, I am so afraid of forgetting him that everyday I look at pictures to remember what he looks like and how easy it was for him to make me smile.

Today specifically I have watched Luis’ hang gliding videos. To hear his voice and to see him so happy brings tears to my eyes, the good kind. Luis has a friend, coincidentally named Luis as well, who lives in Chattanooga. In order to keep things from getting confusing I will call Luis’ friend by his last name, Fortin. Fortin was an incredible friend to Luis. I can ramble on and on about the loyalty that Fortin showed Luis when he needed it the most. I knew that if I called Fortin and said that Luis needed him, he would get in his car and drive to Memphis. No matter what it was, Fortin would drop everything when it came to Luis. As much as Fortin came to Memphis, Luis would return the favor and stay with Fortin in Chattanooga.

Somehow they discovered a place on Lookout Mountain where hang gliding was open to the public. Luis was very adventurous and he became extremely enthralled with the idea of hang gliding. He made a few trips up to Chattanooga with plans of hang gliding, but they would be canceled because of the wind. A few weeks after we came back from Honduras, we went to visit Fortin. Almost as part of a routine, Luis and Fortin made two appointments for hang gliding. After being canceled on two days in a row, on our last day in Chattanooga the weather was perfectly safe for flying! I was the designated cinematographer and there was a lot of pressure riding on my shoulders. Luis loved his Go-Pro (a brand of camera) and he wanted to create a video documenting his hang gliding experience and I was tasked with responsibility to video him preparing for takeoff and his landing. I remember the smile on his face when he landed. I am at lack of words when I try to describe this special memory. Thankfully, I don’t have to describe it and I will let the pictures and videos explain for me. For entire five hour car ride back to Memphis Luis talked about how peaceful and beautiful the view was. I drove the whole way home so he could watch his videos over and over again. Within a few days after we arrived back home to Memphis, Luis entered hospice care. I know in my heart that with Luis’ condition he should not have had to energy to hang glide. We were all oblivious to the severity of his condition, and I know that this was Luis’ final gift to us. We have this beautiful memory to treasure forever and for that along with countless other reasons, I am grateful to Luis.

You are greatly missed, my love.

Click HERE to watch Luis' hang gliding video!

H O N D U R A S

Hello everyone, I hope this post finds you and yours well. 

Writing is difficult, because it makes everything real. I am not ready to talk about everything that has happened over the past month and I hope you all will be patient and understanding. I don’t know when that time will be, but when it comes I promise to write. Recently I have done some heavy thinking and I have come to the conclusion that the easiest way to ease back into the writing/blogging routine is to talk about happy memories; so today specifically, I will talk about our trip to Honduras that we took in December. After three years of dating Luis, I heard so much about Honduras and I knew that I had to get there, somehow. After years, literally, of convincing my parents into letting me go, they finally gave in. I remember the way Luis’ face would light up as he was showing me around Tegucigalpa. Whenever we finished visiting a place, or after we took a picture he would look at me and say “you have to put this on your blog!” I started to write this post a few days before Luis passed away with hopes of surprising him and making him smile. He wanted everyone to know how great Honduras is, and I am going to use this opportunity to brag on this beautiful country, for Luis of course.

We all have a certain person whose compliments carry a weight greater than the compliments of others. For me, that person was Luis. A hundred people could compliment me on my writing, but the only opinion that truly mattered to me was his. I don’t understand technology, but somehow Luis “subscribed” to my blog so he was notified by email whenever I would publish a new post. Within minutes after publishing a post, my phone would ring and it would be Luis bragging about my post and telling me that he was proud of me. He even encouraged my mom to print  “business cards” with the link to my blog; he always carried a stack of them in his wallet and would hand them to everyone he would meet. He was my number one fan to say the least. I have been putting this post off because it is going to be so painful knowing that after I publish this, he will not be calling me.

There are not enough great things that I can say about Honduras to fully describe the overwhelming kindness I received the week I was there. Honduras often gets a "bad wrap" because of their crime rate, however, so does Memphis. Over the course of the trip, there was never a moment where I felt unsafe or uncomfortable. The Honduran people are the most selfless and loving people I have ever met in my life. I could go on and on about about the beauty I witnessed... but I will let the pictures explain.

Surprise! Some of Luis' friends came to "welcome" us at the airport! Lovely LOVELY people!!

After our long plane ride not only were we exhausted, but we were also hungry. We headed to a small pizza place with Fortin and David. The pizza was delicious and also my first official Honduran dining experience!

Clarissa, has been an incredible friend to me ever since I met Luis. We would always text and update each other about everything going on in our separate worlds, and after years of texting, I had the honor to meet her! It is a pretty funny feeling to be so close to someone through messaging and to meet them for the first time. We met up with Clarissa at the mall and we walked around for a little bit and caught up. It was a lovely first day!


The next day, we headed to Cristina's house for lunch. Cristina lives at the top of the mountain so we stopped for a second to enjoy the incredible view!

After lunch, we headed with the group to "El Picacho" which is a replica of the Christ the Redeemer statue in Brazil. It was very rainy and foggy which made it hard to see the top of the statue, but we had a great time and made wonderful memories!

The next day, we went to Hospital Escuela to deliver toys to the kids in the cancer clinic. Luis was treated here before he came to St. Jude. This hospital is extremely dear to Luis' heart, and every year around Christmas time Luis would organize a "toy drive" at St. Jude to raise toys and clothes for the children in Honduras. Majority of the families here do not have the money to buy their children new clothes, or even Christmas presents. This is the third year that Luis made this activity in Hospital Escuela, and we are excited to continue this tradition in the years to come. I am so proud of Luis for giving back to the hospital and I am incredibly thankful I was able to participate.

Gaby, Alé, and Maria Jose are so beautiful and lovely!


These pictures were taken at a GAS STATION. Everything in Honduras is so beautiful!!

Berta and her dog Nala!

Marco, Maria Jose, Alé, Fortin, Luis and I went to the roof of the second tallest building in Honduras! Before, we went to buy 'baleadas', one of the most famous Honduran staple foods and they were delicious. We took them to go and ate them on the roof, overlooking the beautiful view. We had such an incredible time; the pictures do not do the view justice!

Katherine, Skarly, Said, Luis and I went to Santa Lucia a town about an hour away from Tegucigalpa. I remember how much we laughed because Katherine wanted to take us to one of her favorite restaurants, but when we got there it was closed. We tried to go to about four other places and they all were closed! We finally found a restaurant that was open and we enjoyed a delicious meal before we climbed to the top to watch the sunset.

We were invited to join Bianca and her twin sister Marcela for coffee at their family's coffee shop. This was the best latte that I have ever tasted! Luis and I both talked about the coffee for about three weeks after we got home from Honduras haha, it was that good!

Happy New Year! I wish I could turn back time to this night. I remember we were all so happy watching the fireworks with hopeful eyes that this would be the year that Luis would get better. After we watched the fireworks from the balcony we went downstairs into the street and we lit fireworks that we bought from a stand in Valle dé Ángeles. Luis was so happy; I remember the huge smile on his face. He loved to rub it in my face that "everything is better in Honduras" and let me reassure you, he was completely right.  The fireworks were beautiful, more beautiful than any other ones I had seen before. The three of us has a great time together; there is no one else I would rather have shared this moment with and I will forever treasure this special time with Bibi, Luis, and the rest of his family.


Our last day in Honduras. We took these pictures at Luis' house, look at all of the beautiful plants!

The lovely Pineda sisters! I am so thankful that we were able to see each other. Just like Clarissa, I would always text them so it was really nice to "officially" meet them in person. They are so beautiful inside and out! I love them dearly. 

Whatever you have experienced, no power on earth can take from you. I will forever treasure these memories and I will always remember Luis. I would like to thank everyone for being so kind and welcoming to me during my stay in Honduras. I can't wait to come back as soon as possible!

Over the past few weeks, Luis has been feeling extremely fatigued and experiencing discomfort on his left side. Naturally, we assumed these feelings were side effects from his radiation treatment. (Luis has completed his radiation and we are SO proud!) On Wednesday, Luis had a chest X-ray and the doctors were instantly concerned because his entire left lung was glowing. The doctors informed Luis and his family that this either meant there was a large amount of fluid, or the cancer had completely consumed his lung. His doctor ordered a CT scan in order to gain greater insight and after viewing the images, he decided the latter was the most probable. 

On Friday Luis went into surgery; the purpose of the surgery would be to see if there was any fluid withdraw. If there was no fluid withdraw, it would be confirmed that we were dealing with more cancer, and not fluid. 

However, that was not the case. The surgeons drained 3 liters of fluid! Praise God! Currently, Luis is in ICU with a chest tube. Once his fluid output is less than 30 mL, it will be time to remove the tube. Until then, he will remain here at the hospital under the tender loving care of the incredible nurses. 

As always, Luis has been amazing. He has been taking long walks around the floor in order to gain his strength back. He also has been singing and playing his guitar! He is incredible. Please think of Luis over the next couple of days as he remains here at the hospital. The doctors mentioned removing the chest tube sometime tomorrow. If you are anything like me, you are not a chest tube expert and your knowledge is limited, so I will share the little knowledge I have gained over the past few days. The tube is placed during surgery and it goes entirely inside the lung. However, the tube will be removed when Luis is awake. Luis has had one before and he knows how painful they are when removed. Please pray for peace for Luis as he gets closer and closer to having his tube removed. And also, please pray for the doctors as they consider the most fitting "next step" in Luis' treatment. We appreciate all of the prayers and encouraging words! 

Words cannot explain how proud I am of Luis. I am not the best at translating my thoughts into words, and even if I were, my words would not do him justice. After all he has been through, both emotionally and physically, he still continues to assure us that he "is never going to give up." Luis is ALIVE and BREATHING. I have chosen to find peace and joy in his existence. 

I love you Luis.

Always There

Always there. He was, and continues to be, always

                                                                                     there. 

Change can be a good thing. Personally, I prefer the change that I control, like changing my hair or style, however change comes in many different shapes and sizes. First things first, my blog format has changed! Pretty cool, I must say, even though I am slightly biased. Along with the new format, I decided that it was time to change my title. Previously, the title of my blog was "God is Love." When I created my blog a few years ago I was stuck on a title, and so I turned to my prayer journal for inspiration. I remember reading "GOD IS LOVE" scribbled down in the margin along with more notes regarding the  flawless verse of 1 John 4:8. I knew right away that would be the title of my blog. Don't get me wrong, I still love that verse, however I do not feel like it "sums up" the theme of my blog completely. After doing some heavy thinking and reading of old posts, evidence of His faithfulness reminded me that He has always been there. 

Luis was recently told the familiar words "the chemo isn't working." About a month ago, the doctors discovered his cancer has spread to his spine and pelvis. The doctors are not overly concerned about these new tumors because they are small however, they are very concerned about two tumors, one located on his heart and another on his trachea. In addition to his new chemo, yesterday, Luis started his first round of radiation. The doctors are hoping that the mixture of chemo and radiation will be the perfect combination to send his cancer into remission. This is the first time for Luis to receive radiation, and so far he is not experiencing any side effects. Praise the LORD. Change, change, change. This has sent all of us into a whirlwind as the various emotions swirl around our minds and make us uncertain of what to feel. This is the change that I wish I could influence, but alas, it is entirely out of my control.

If I had to chose one word to describe the Luis I have witnessed over the past month, I would chose "peaceful." Luis is a new person. He is smothered by a peace that I cannot understand, and quite frankly, I envy deeply. He smiles, all the time, when he of all people, has a reason to be angry. Luis is filled with hope, a hope and peace so great that it must flow from Someone greater than I am. He has always been there, and I believe that He is here now more than ever. The LORD is constantly fueling Luis with strength to face that battle laid out before him, and for that, I am eternally grateful.

Always there. He was, and continues to be, always

                                                                                     there. 

Another fun change, Luis now has a puppy named Luna! She brings so much joy to us and we are so thankful for her.