The wise words of Luis Aguilar

It is a privilege to endure trials knowing that in return all of the glory is directed towards God. For me, that is what makes extreme trials, like cancer, bearable; for I know that I am simply being used as an instrument to further His Kingdom. For the past few days, certain phrases that the doctors told me have been constantly haunting me... "It is a risky surgery""Your tumor is a BRAF mutation""Your body does not respond to radioactive iodine treatment". Many of you know about Luis, my extremely close friend that I turn to during these moments because he gets it. I met Luis about a year and a half ago at a Christmas party for the hospital and since then we have been best friends. Luis was diagnosed with osteosarcoma (bone cancer) in February of 2011 and his prognosis was very gloomy. The doctors told him that they would have to amputate his leg and afterwards he would receive numerous exhausting rounds of chemo. When they opened his leg to see if there was any way they could save it, the doctors saw something completely different from the images they viewed the previous week. His tumor had shrunk drastically and as a result the doctors were able to remove the whole tumor and the bone in his leg to replace it with a titanium rod, thus saving his leg. His cancer spread to his lungs, and after many many long rounds of chemotherapy, the spots in his lungs were declared calcified. He was finished with treatment and would come every few months for checkups. In February of 2013, when Luis went in for his check up, it was confirmed that his cancer had returned in both of his lungs. Once again, the prognosis was gloomy with only three options on the table. Luis enrolled in a research antibody treatment, which only ended up fueling the growth of the tumors. With one option disqualified and only two options left, Luis chose chemo. This chemo is a weaker version of the first type he received in 2011 because his heart could not tolerate any more of the first type. Luis is currently still receiving treatment and he is estimated to finish this protocol in late August. So, where am I going with all of this? Luis has been told not once, but twice that the doctors would try their hardest to give him the best treatment, but nothing was guaranteed. Yesterday I was talking with him and telling him that I have not been able to get those scary thoughts out of my mind. The risks, the percentages, the odds. He looked at me and said "McKendree, it's okay for the risks to be extremely high, the percentages not to be in our favor, or the odds to be against us. This is so that when you are healed and when the miracle is performed, God's glory will be even greater. The higher the risks the greater the glory. The doctors told me that they were going to amputate my leg, and I even signed the papers, but when they opened me up even the doctors could not understand or believe what they saw. God's glory was even greater that day because the doctors and everyone around me witnessed a miracle. It was God, completely His healing." I was completely blown away by his perspective and left speechless. We want the doctors to bring up the difficulties of my tumor, the risks of the surgery, and my refusal of the treatment so that when I am healed, my testimony will speak even greater and bring even more attention to my Father in Heaven. I am so thankful that the LORD placed such a man-of-God like Luis in my life to help me understand and encourage me in my faith, especially on the days when I feel completely distraught and overwhelmed. I wanted to take a couple of minutes to brag on this wonderful young man and share his wise words. You can apply this to your life as well even though you might not be fighting cancer or an illness; for our trials and hardships in this life, although they are not guaranteed to be easy, are the most beautiful and promising things that this life can offer us. It is a privilege to suffer knowing that all of the glory is directed to our Creator. No trial is too small or too big, for they all serve the same purpose. So whatever your trial may be, embrace it and learn to love it knowing that the Creator of the Universe is using you as an instrument to lift up His name and to shine light in this dark world.

Luis after surgery! Thankful that his leg was spared, and eager to face the many months of physical therapy.

Finally able to walk again, such a blessing! 

Luis next to the statue of St. Jude that is located in the entrance of the hospital. 

Strong and super brave young man. 

It is well with my soul

The famous line from a popular church hymn has been replaying over and over in my mind for the past few days: "it is well with my soul". Early Monday morning, my mom and I boarded a flight from Memphis to Houston to start our procedure-filled adventure at the renown M.D. Anderson. Once we arrived in Houston we checked into the Rotary House, courtesy of St. Jude, and rushed to our first appointment. I checked in with my new patient number and waited patiently for the nurse to call me back. My mom and I were shortly relocated to a small consult room where we met with my "second opinion oncologist", Dr. Waguspack. In my recent posts I expressed that I was extremely nervous about going to a new hospital and seeing another doctor, but all of those fears soon were forgotten once I started to speak with my doctor. I felt like I was at St. Jude because he was real with me and answered all of my questions. He told me exactly what was going on and I did not leave our meeting feeling uneasy or unsure about any of the facts we discussed. The first thing he said to us was "Have you heard that thyroid cancer is the good cancer? Well its not". I did not know what to think after hearing that my although my condition gets downplayed, it is just as serious as the other cancers. He told us that when my tumor was first removed in August 2011, pathology ran a test on the tissue and it confirmed that my tumor was BRAF positive. If you are anything like me, I had no idea what that meant, so I asked him to elaborate. BRAF tumors can occur in thyroid cancer, colon cancer, and melanoma patients. They are a mutation and have the characteristics to be more aggressive and spread faster than your average tumor. He also told us that this is not a relapse or a recurrence, but this pesky cancer has been hiding in my lymph nodes the whole time; although the radioactive treatment might have knocked the cancer cells down a little bit, they never truly went away. A combination of my BRAF tumors and the inability for my body to fully respond to the radioactive treatment has led us to the place we are right now. The doctor scheduled scans, an ultrasound, and biopsies to try to get a better grasp on my case. A month had passed since I had any type of testing and the hospital wanted to repeat the tests just to see exactly what they are dealing with. So, on Tuesday I woke up very early to start my extremely busy day. I started the day off with morning labs where they drew blood and put in my IV for my scan. After labs we headed over to Diagnostic Imaging to get a head/neck cat scan. The scan was nice because since I was so tired from waking up early, I was able to shut my eyes for a little bit. M.D. Anderson is very different from St. Jude in a lot of ways. My mom and I were so tickled at the fact that I had to change into an ugly scrubs outfit and then sit in a room with a bunch of sick grumbling adults. We all were matching with each other and I was the youngest patient! At St. Jude nothing is communal, it is very private. Of corse at the Jude, we all wait in the same waiting room but after that we are all in separate smaller waiting rooms while we wait for our scans. It was an experience to say the least! Once we were no longer needed at Diagnostic Imaging, we walked toward the endocrine clinic to wait for my ultrasound. The reason that I went to M.D. Anderson is because they have an ultrasound team that looks at thyroids and lymph nodes and only that every single day. The ultrasound team at St. Jude is wonderful but my doctor felt more comfortable getting a second opinion from people that specialize in only head and neck. We were called back and led to a small room where I met the lady who was going to be in charge of my ultrasound. The plan was to have an ultrasound and set up for biopsy at the same time. When they would see a suspicious lymph node on the ultrasound they would biopsy it immediately. There were a couple of lymph nodes that looked suspicious but we only biopsied two of them because one was behind my carotid artery which is a very risky place to biopsy. About fifteen minutes later the doctor came back into the room and informed us that they lymph nodes came back positive for thyroid cancer. The biopsy was my last appointment for the day so once we were finished some of our friends that live in Houston came to the Rotary House and picked us up. They invited us to spend the night at their house and I am so thankful that they opened up their home to me and my mom. We all had a lovely time they showered us in love and showed us how as Christians, we should love and care for one another. Especially in the moments of sadness, we must encourage and build each other up in love. After a fun night at the Karams we went to the hospital for my last appointment! We met with the surgeon and set up a surgery date for August 6th. I also really liked the surgeon because he answered every single one of our questions... bless that man because you better believe it when I say that my mom and I had a lot of questions! :) I asked him if I was going to need treatment and since my body does not respond to the radioactive radiation what treatment would we seek? He responded with a smile and said "right now surgery is your treatment. We are going to take everything one step at a time and we will discuss that when we reach that moment, but right now I can't tell you that you are going to need treatment, it just depends on what I see when we open you up". Exactly like my meeting with the oncologist, I left the consult with peace knowing that all of my questions were answered. So, overall my trip to Houston was extremely wonderful! It was filled with beautiful people that I love, expanding my comfort zones, and I was given another opportunity to grow closer to my LORD. I am excited to see what the LORD is going to teach me during my second/ongoing first battle and I pray that all of the glory points to Him. For all of the lovely people who have been asking me what they can do to help... please just keep me in your prayers. Prayer is the most effective, important, and helpful thing that you can offer me. Please not only pray for my healing but also pray that the LORD will give me many opportunities to share my faith. I can only hope and pray to have unashamed and encouraging faith like Paul. Thank you everyone for your overwhelming love and support! "This sickness will not end in death. No, it is for God's glory so that God's Son may be glorified through it." John 11:4. It is well with my soul!

I love my supportive and beautiful parents. They set such a wonderful example for me and I am so thankful that they taught me the importance of loving Jesus Christ.

Thank you Luis for being so wonderful and making me feel at home while I was on the trip. A huge thank you to Luis and for all of the people who signed/wrote me a letter in the book. I cannot begin to explain the feeling of joy that I had when I read all of them.

Carlos, Luis, and me; thank y'all for coming to drop me off even though it was super early in the morning. Y'all are the best! 

Morning labs

My bothersome IV for scans

Pre-biopsy hence the smile haha 

Waiting, waiting, waiting

Confirmed that my lymph nodes came back positive

Love this beautiful woman of God; thank you for being such an encouragement to me! Being around you and your family is so refreshing!

 The original Carrabbas!

So thankful for the Karams

Timing is Everything

God's timing is perfect, absolutely flawless. The past few weeks my family has been speaking with the doctors from St. Jude and we finally settled on a date for us to travel to Houston. The doctors at M.D. Anderson have asked that I arrive in Houston on July 1st. I will stay at M.D. Anderson for a few days, head back to Memphis for about a week, then return again to Houston for my surgery. When I found out that I would have to wait until July 1st, I was very disappointed and confused. I thought "so you're going to tell me that there is something in my body that doesn't belong there but make me wait a whole month before anyone decides to do anything about it"? My mom and I wanted to go to Houston as soon as possible to get everything taken care of, but we soon found out the reasoning behind my "month of waiting". My grandmother (my mom's mother) was sick with a fever for a couple of weeks and we did not think much about it because we assumed it was only a virus. After a couple of weeks of the fever not improving, my grandmother went to the hospital and discovered that she had a tumor on her colon that had ruptured. The surgery was extremely complicated, but the doctor was able to remove all of the tumor! Such a blessing! She will start chemo in a couple of months because the doctors want her to be able to heal before they start anything else. My Mimi is so strong and I was blown away by her perspective and attitude during her two week stay at the hospital. It was such an encouragement to see the way she handled her situation and I am so thankful that I was reminded how important your attitude and faith is before I leave for Houston. It is very easy to doubt God's timing and every single time I do, I am reminded that everything is planned out perfectly. I was asked to wait here because The LORD wanted me to witness Him working through my grandmother and providing her strength. In doing this I was reminded that He is capable of providing me strength and calming my fears. It is going to be pretty scary going to a new hospital and not having my friends or doctors there, but once again I have the privilege of learning to depend on the LORD. There is no reason to worry or question God because his plan for his children is without flaw, and what a relief that is! I am so relieved that my life is planned out by the Creator of the Universe. Please keep my grandmother and my mother in your prayers. On a lighter note... the hospital asked me and Luis to paint a canvas together that would eventually hang in the Chili's Care Center (this is the side of the hospital where scans take place). We were so excited to have been given this opportunity and we tried our best to incorporate things that we both enjoy into the picture. Many of you might not know our story, but we became such great friends by singing and playing guitar for the other patients at the hospital. It was such a blessing to be able to share our joy with the other patients through music and we are so thankful that we were given the opportunity to share our joy through our artwork. So of course, we incorporated music into our painting! We were at the hospital yesterday and they told us they finally hung up the paintings. Hopefully we will be able to go and see them next week! Although this was not how I expected to spend my summer, I know that I am just given more opportunities for the LORD to work in my life and reveal Himself in ways that I have never seen before. I read this in my devotional book a couple of weeks ago and I thought it was quite beautiful...

"Is it raining little flower?

Be glad of rain;

Too much sun would wither one;

It will shine again.

The clouds are very dark, it's true;

But just behind them shines the blue.

Are you weary tender heart?

Be glad of pain:

In sorrow, sweetest virtues grow,

As flowers in rain.

God watches, and you will have sun,

When clouds their perfect work have done."

Pre-surgery! I have never seen someone this happy before surgery haha

The strongest and most beautiful women I know

The inpatient floor of the hospital (not pictured Luis's chemo pole; even during chemo he still had a reason to sing!)

One of our many "concerts" for the other patients

Our painting! "Don't let cancer stop you from doing what you love to do."

Check up results and the next step!

Hello everyone! So... I know it's been a while since I posted in here and I haven't kept everyone up to date with my checkups, but I wanted to wait to post until I got my results back. Last week my thyroid hormones were completely depleted and I was limited on what I could and could not eat. On Monday and on Tuesday I got my Thyrogen shot, which took away all of the thyroid hormones in my body. As a result, I was extremely tired. My wonderful friends and family helped distract me during the week and helped me keep doing normal things despite my exhaustion. Y'all are the best for not letting me stay in my room all day watching Netflix haha. On Wednesday I had an ultrasound of my neck and lymph nodes. That was really fun because I love the ultra sound doctors! On Thursday I had the day off so I hung out at home and took a lot of naps. I tried to save my energy for Friday, which was my big thyroglobulin test. Since I do not have a thyroid and all of my thyroid hormones were depleted earlier in the week, this test would show unnecessary tissue left in my body. My doctor decided that he did not want to do scans because scans would mean exposing me to two radiation treatments plus the radiation from the scans. He only wanted to do scans if they were completely necessary. So today we got the results back and they were not exactly what we had planned. My thyroglobulin levels have increased instead of decreasing and they are now at a level that my doctor is not comfortable with. Also on the ultrasound there were four lymph nodes that were extremely suspicious. So my doctor has decided to send me to M.D. Anderson in Houston for a biopsy and possible surgery. Thyroid cancer success depends a lot on the surgeon so my doctor wants to send me to a surgeon who deals with thyroid cancer and only thyroid cancer every day. There are plenty of surgeons at St. Jude that are qualified to perform my biopsy and surgery but my doctor feels most comfortable sending me somewhere that specializes in thyroid cancer. These were not the results that we were hoping for but I'm ready to start this new chapter in my cancer journey. I know that this is all for The Lord's glory and I am exactly where I am supposed to be. He is going to use this trial to mold me into the person I am designed to be and I am so excited to see how he is going to do this. Please keep me in your prayers over the ext few weeks and once we find out more I will post in here!

 Sleeping in clinic, which pretty typical considering I have no thyroid hormones

 Sleeping everywhere even at the lunch table

Ultrasound time!

Yayy for eating normal food after being on my no iodine diet for check ups! And hello little friend in the background :)

 My absolute favorite nurse! She has taken care of me since day one and I am so thankful for her! She is the best and she always knows how to make me laugh, especially on the not so good days.

 Luis and Hillary! I am so thankful for my wonderful friends.

 From left to right: one of my social workers, Miguel, Leslie, and me! Miguel and Leslie are both patients. Miguel is in town for checkups and Leslie is still currently in treatment. She is one tough cookie!

 My momma and me in clinic after they spoiled us both with warm blankets! So nice especially after walking in the rain to the endocrine building.

Our buddy Jacob who is the quarterback of the Memphis football team came to visit Luis during his chemo last Friday. 

Scan week day 1

Good morning! Right now I am on my way to the hospital and I have labs and a Thyrogen shot. This shot will deplete all of my thyroid hormones so that on my blood work and scans if there is still thyroid tissue in my body it will be easier to show up. Also today Luis has scans to see if any progress has been made in his lungs. We both have a pretty big day today so please keep both of us in your prayers. The LORD is in control and we will wait patiently for his healing!

St. Jude prom!

Hello everyone! The past couple of weeks have been very busy and I have some SUPER exciting things to talk about. On April 18, St. Jude held their annual teen prom for patients from ages fifteen to twenty. Every year the child-life department puts together a beautiful prom for the patients that miss their prom due to treatment and the patients who are off treatment are also invited. Members of Tri-Delta from all over the country collect prom dresses and donate them to the hospital. The girls get to go to the "Dress Fest" and pick out a dress for prom. The "Dress Fest" is basically every girl's dream; you walk into a room and there are hundreds of beautiful dresses and you get to pick one to keep! On the day of prom Lancome, along with local beauty places, come to the hospital and do makeup and hair for the girls. This is such a special day and St. Jude does a great job of making every girl feel like a true princess. And for the boys, there are no makeup and hair services... but they are loaned a tuxedo that they get to wear for the night! They have a "Tux Fest" similar to the "Dress Fest" where they are measured for their tuxedos. It is so neat to see everyone dressed up and it is a real treat since we are all so used to seeing each other in our hospital attire (which usually includes pijamas and comfy clothes and maybe a pair of jeans, on a good day). Prom is so special because of so many reasons. For instance everyone looks forward to this night because for one night we are excited about normal teenage things instead of having to worry about scary adult things. The people that you love and adore the most, all come together for this outstanding night and we get to celebrate, as one! We celebrate another day of life and cherish each other's company. We remember our friends that have passed and the ones that were not able to come to prom due to their conditions. St. Jude is an extremely hopeful place, but it is easy for the teenagers to lose their hope. Prom is so full of hope because even in the midst of some pretty horrible stuff, we all gather together and chose to dance rather than to let cancer steal our joy. I am so thankful for the hardworking people that planned the prom and that made it an unforgettable night. I am also extremely thankful for the people who donated money to make this night possible. About a week before prom my friend Luis and I were interviewed about our experience at prom/what prom meant to us and our story was turned into an article that was emailed to all of the St. Jude donors! The article was about our experience from last year's prom and one of the pictures from this year's prom even made it onto the St. Jude facebook page! So neat! Earlier this week the article was released and I have received so much love and support from all of the people reading it! Now for the not so exciting stuff. About a month ago, I went to St. Jude and met with the doctor in charge of my keloid treatment/surgery and he ruled out that the surgery was not effective. We discussed further treatment options that included radiation and more experimental treatment, but we have decided to take a break. My neck is still sore to touch and uncomfortable at times but it is something I have learned to deal with and I think I am going to take a little break, but I later might want to take my doctor up on his research treatment offer :) Also I have scans coming up next week. For those who have kept up with my blog since last year when I started it, you might remember me talking about my "no-iodine" diet. For pediatric thyroid cancer scans and treatment one must go on this diet for three weeks to a month depending on the doctor's preference. On the no-iodine diet you are not allowed to eat dairy, wheat, soy, processed food, red food dye, sodium, or meat. So I bet you are wondering what can you eat if you are not allowed to eat those foods? The answer if fruit and peppers... lots of fruit and peppers. I can also eat a large amount of vegetables and I just found out that I can eat a special kind of organic chicken, but I am limited on my intake. The first week of the diet is always the hardest because I want to eat everything but the stuff that I am actually allowed to eat. And by the second week, I finally start to get used to it. My amazing mom is on the diet with me too because she is wonderful and knows that it is pretty hard to live off of fruits and vegetables for three weeks but its easier when someone is doing it with you. She is awesome! I have been on this diet quite a few times before so the good thing is that this is nothing new! My mom has been experimenting with the food and coming up with more recipes which is super exciting. In the morning I make vegetable juice (celery, carrot, and apple) and have some almonds. In the afternoon for lunch I eat fruit and raw vegetables. And for dinner, my mom will make some pretty tasty things (given the circumstance). My favorite is when she makes pizza. She found a recipe for "dough" (not really dough) on a thyroid cancer website and she tops the dough with freshly made tomato sauce and grilled vegetables. It is super filling and very yummy. Since my protein intake is limited, I have been feeling pretty weak. Also it has been two weeks since I started the diet so naturally my body is starting to lose its energy. Please pray for my strength both emotionally and physically as scan week is right around the corner. I am very confident in the scans because I know that no matter the results, I will be right where the LORD has placed me. His plan for me is so great and I will continue to praise Him no matter the results. I will be posting more since this is a pretty busy and important time and I want to make sure all of my family and friends are "in the know". Thank you everyone for your prayers and continuing to love and support me. Y'all are the best! "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." 2 Corinthians 12:9.

 St. Jude provides limos for the patients to ride in and once we get to the hospital (where the prom is held) we walk the "Red Carpet". All of our nurses, doctors, family members, and volunteers cheer for us as we walk in. This is a super special moment because we are surrounded by all of the people who love us and take care of our every need. This is one of the best parts about prom.

 This is my beautiful friend Leslie. We met last year when we were both in treatment. I love her to pieces and I don't know if I could have made it through last year without her encouragement and love. She is an angel!

 Me and Luis before the prom.

 Yayy friends! I love these guys! From left to right; Julia, Luis, Michael, Evan, me, and Nick.

Luis and Evan! They have the same cancer and are both such an encouragement to each other. Such wonderful men of God!

Click HERE to read the article about me and Luis

Click HERE to see our picture on the St. Jude Facebook page

Worn

Are you worn? About a month ago, for the first time I heard the song "Worn" by Tenth Avenue North on my local Christian radio station. This station always mentions how God uses their station to "play the right song at the right time" and let me tell you this song was exactly what I needed to hear when I needed it the most. My friend Luis was recently told that his cancer has returned in both of his lungs. Luis's attitude and view on his second trial is nothing short of extraordinary and he has encouraged me so much in my faith over the past month and a half. Over Spring Break he received his first round of an experimental antibodies treatment and I was able to be by his side during the extremely painful infusions. Luis told me that "the LORD's timing is always perfect" because on the week that he started his treatment, I was able to be with him because I did not have school. That was such a "God thing" and I am so blessed to have had that week off of school so that I could support my dear friend. Over the past month and a half, my world has been turned upside down by the news of Luis's relapse and as a result I often feel worn. As I was driving home that one night and Tenth Avenue North's beautiful song came on the radio, I was amazed by the way this song portrayed everything that I was feeling and I was blown away its honesty. The troubles in the world and trials that the LORD so perfectly places in our lives can often be exhausting. These beautiful trials can cause us try to control things that are completely out of our control, resulting in exhaustion. In the midst of chaos we often chose to doubt or worry about the future when we should be doing the exact opposite. The LORD loves it when his children come to him with burdened hearts and chose to find peace in his presence. The truth is that we have nothing to worry about because we are in the most wonderful hands possible. The LORD cares for each and every one of his children and even though at times it is easy for us to wonder why he would plant trials in our lives, we need to remember the beauty that each trial entails. It is easy for us to view trials as "bad things" but in reality the are the best things because they remind us of our brokenness and we learn to embrace how broken we truly are. The only one who can fix our broken and tired hearts is the the LORD himself and all we have to do is simply ask him to fix us. He is the Great Healer and there is nothing too worn or too broken for him to fix. This damaged world and the trials that we have to face as Christians is exhausting, but it is so beautiful and such a privilege to be exhausted. Because in moments of exhaustion we are reminded how much we need our Savior.

I'm tired 

I'm worn 

My heart is heavy

From the work it takes to keep on breathing

I've made mistakes 

I've let my hope fail

My soul feels crushed

By the weight of this world

And I know that you can give me rest

So I cry out with all that I have left

Let me see redemption win

Let me know the struggle ends

That you can mend a heart that's frail and torn

I want to know a song can rise

From the ashes of a broken life

And all that's dead inside can be reborn

Cause I'm worn

I know I need 

To lift my eyes up

But I'm too week

Life just won't let up

And I know that You can give me rest

So I cry out with all that I have left

Let me see redemption win

Let me know the struggle ends

That you can mend a heart that's frail and torn

I want to know a song can rise

From the ashes of a broken life

And all that's dead inside can be reborn

Cause I'm worn

And my prayers are wearing thin

I'm worn even before the day begins

I'm worn I've lost my will to fight

I'm worn so heaven so come and fluid my eyes

Let me see redemption win

Let me know the struggle ends

That you can mend a heart that's frail and torn

I want to know a song can rise

From the ashes of a broken life

And all that's dead inside can be reborn

Yes all that's dead inside will be reborn

Though I'm worn 

Yeah I'm worn

Please keep Luis in you prayers over the next couple of months as he continues to receive treatment. His scans came back and showed that his cancer has spread 25%. He has stopped the research treatment and he switched to chemo that he started this week. I am so proud of him and the way that he is handling everything but please continue to pray for his strength and courage to face his second battle. Pray that the LORD will grant us patience as we wait upon his healing. 

Habbakuk 3:19

Good afternoon and happy Monday! I hope everyone has had a splendid day and a wonderful start to the week. It has been a while since I wrote and my blogging frequency is slowly going downhill due to school and other things that have been going on in my life lately and I apologize for my absence! Since I last posted in here I have had 2 "St. Jude days" and they both went well. My first appointment was another round of keloid treatment but this time I forgot to take my loopy medicine so it was a little more painful than I was expecting. The nurses in C-clinic are nothing short of extrodinary so when the tears started coming, they were right beside me holding my hand. The most recent appointment consisted of another meeting with my surgeon and we looked at before/after pictures of my neck. As I have mentioned before my neck has been starting to hurt so we believe that the keloids are growing again. The pictures showed that the scar is starting to raise up and grow larger, like it was before. My doctors also said that I am done with the keloid treatment and we are just going to wait it out to see what happens. I am extremely excited that I do not have to do anymore treatment, but I am a little disappointed that the pain has slowly started to come back again. This is just the way that my body scars and I am at peace with the situation. Of corse I would love to have a scar that does not hurt, but that is not the case and I am completely okay with that. There is a reason for this, and although I do not really understand it right now, I know that there is a reason. There is absolutely no flaw in the LORD's plan that he has for each and every one of us. His plan is so magnificent and sometimes we might wonder why he allows certain things to happen, but we have to remember that his plan is so GREAT! Greater than any plan we could think of ourselves. A couple of weeks ago my friend Luis was told that his cancer has come back in both of his lungs. Luis is one of my closest friends from St. Jude and he always helps me on the days when I am frustrated with my situation or when I need someone to talk and I can always count on him understanding because he has been through this before! Today Luis started his first round of treatment. Please keep him in your thoughts and prayers as he starts this process all over again. His faith and positive attitude never ceases to amaze me and I am so blessed to have him in my life. The treatment he is going to be receiving for the next couple of months is a form of chemotherapy but not the stereotypical chemo that he received the first time. This treatment is supposed to cause extreme pain while he is receiving it, and afterwards. Please pray that he will not experience a lot of pain and that this treatment will be the one that cures him. The LORD gives us things that we are not capable of handling so we can learn that we are not able, but HE is. He is our strength on the days that we feel we cannot go on and he is the one who enables us to the heights. "The sovereign LORD is my strength, he makes my feet like the feet of a deer; he enables me to go onto the heights." Habbakuk 3:19. I hope you have a blessed day today! :)

This is from last night when Luis went in for fluids (day before treatment). 

Right after his surgery on Friday to put in his port! So tough and strong!

Psalm 112:7

Good morning everyone! It has been so long since I last wrote in here and an update is long overdue!  The pain in my neck has begun to increase again and I am hoping it is just from the keloid treatment; the scar is also begging to raise up again (like it was before surgery) and hopefully it is just irritated/swollen from the treatment as well. I have come to terms recently that if the LORD wants the keloids to come back, they will come back! This is totally out of my control and I just need to wait patiently for his plan to be revealed to me. My scar is a physical reminder of everything that I have been through but now that the pain is back I am reminded more often than before. When I turn my neck the wrong way or when the sharp pains start, I am reminded of my journey, and how magnificent the LORD is. Although I prefer not to be reminded in a painful way, I need to realize that there is such a bigger reason for this, a reason that I cannot even begin to comprehend. I read this in my Jesus Calling devotional book and it was a much needed splash of cold water in the face! (I totally recommend getting this devotional book because is not too long, or too short, but always leaves you satisfied yet longing for more. The perfect ingredients for a devotional book!)

Give up the illusion that you deserve a problem-free life. Part of you is still hungering for the resolution of all difficulties. This is false hope! As I told my disciples, in this world you will have trouble. Link your hope not to problem solving in this life but to the promise of an eternity of problem-free life in heaven. Instead of seeking perfection in this fallen world, pour your energy into seeking Me: the Perfect One. It is possible to enjoy me and glorify Me in the midst of adverse circumstances. In fact, My Light shines most brightly through believers who trust Me in the dark. That kind of trust is supernatural: a production of My indwelling Spirit. When things seem all wrong, trust Me anyway. I am much less interested in right circumstances than in right responses to whatever comes your way. 

Be humble, because we deserve nothing. This is extremely hard to understand because we are selfish and broken humans who most of the time are unaware that nothing in this world is our own and ALL we have comes from the LORD. When something bad happens or does not go our way we become upset because we are confused why our God would let something bad happen to one of his children. In our minds we think that we are good people, right? We are broken people dead and consumed in our sins who fail the LORD each and everyday. So, the question should not be "Why does God allow bad things to happen to good people?" but "Why does God give so many blessings to sinners like us?" In this life we are going to have to face many problems, but they do not compare to the problem-free life we have ahead of us in Heaven. Greater things are yet to come, much greater. We become so accustomed to the numerous blessings in our like that when something does not go our way we get upset with God because we think we deserve better. James 1 states that trials are a blessing from the LORD and we need to use them to the glory of God. Like the devotional said "My light shines most brightly through believers who trust me in the dark." Whatever trial or bump in the road that has been planted in your life, I promise you that the LORD is using you in bigger ways that you can imagine. It is all a part of you becoming the person you were designed to be. Now its your turn to view your trial as a blessing and let everyone around see his light shining through you. Bring glory to his name and let his love be known! "He will have no fear of bad news; his heart is steadfast and trusting in the LORD." Psalm 112:7. I hope everyone has a blessed day!

1 Thessalonians 4:17-18

Hello friends! I hope everyone has had a splendid day and enjoyed every moment of this beautiful day we have been blessed with. Last Wednesday I went to St. Jude for my keloid treatment and it could not have been better. I took some loopy medicine to help me relax and it helped a lot! When I had my keloids, I would put numbing cream on my scar to help reduce the pain, because it was too painful to touch. This cream is literally pure magic and works wonders with the reduction of the pain. This time I did not use the cream because we do not want to put anything on the new scar that would irritate or cause any complications. As a result of the absence of the numbing cream, the procedure was more painful than I expected. The medicine helped so much, but numbing cream, you were greatly missed. I am glad so to have the first treatment behind me and I am looking forward to the day I can say I'm done with all the keloid treatment! The past couple of days I have been studying and praying on how to be thankful in every aspect of my life. We are called to "pray without ceasing and give thanks in all circumstances" in 1 Thessalonians 4:17-18, but what does that really mean and how can I achieve it? Being thankful is easier said than done and sometimes I find myself going days without taking a few seconds to reflect on all the countless blessings the LORD has so graciously give to me. Thankfully over the course of this past week, it has been revealed to me through my quiet times, that I need some serious improvement in the "being thankful" department. It is only normal to become accustomed to all of the wonderful things we have been given and before we know it we find ourselves consumed in selfishness. A key ingredient in becoming thankful is realizing that each and every thing you have comes from the LORD. The house you are living in, comes from God. The clothes on your back, come from God. The food you just ate for dinner, comes from God. The device you are reading this blog post off of, you guessed it... comes from God! Once we gain perspective and realize that EVERYTHING comes from God, it becomes only second nature to pick out these blessings and instantly give thanks. Some weeks you may find yourself truly living out 1 Thessalonians 4:17-18 but the next week you may find yourself struggling to acknowledge your blessings. Take a breath and don't be too hard on yourself because this is absolutely normal! Pray that the LORD will give you eyes to be able to see his blessings and a heart that appreciates all that he does day after day for us. We are broken people, completely and utterly consumed in our sins and we fail the LORD numerous times each day. His mercy for sinners like us is unlimited and he is understanding and forgiving when we may have a bad week and forget to make him our priority. To be completely honest, we are going to have countless days, weeks, months, or maybe even years that we forget to give thanks. What Jesus did on the cross for us makes those days of failure become a faint memory. We were bought with a price and this price covers all of our sins, especially the ones we find ourselves committing over and over again. Since becoming thankful is a process, why not start today? Be patient and challenge yourself to look around and point out those hidden blessings. You will fail and when you do do not become frustrated or feel ashamed, but let the LORD's mercy pick you up and replenish your weary soul. Learn from your mistakes and strive each day to be an better person than you were yesterday! Thanks for all of the prayers and support throughout my journey. I hope everyone has a blessed night! :)

Second "first round" of keloid treatment

Done with the first round!

My wonderful scar that I am so proud of!

This is my fantastic doctor who performed my surgery and has performed all of my keloid treatments. He is so wonderful and I am very grateful to have him as a part of my team!

These are my friends Munhuush and Grace and I had the privilege of babysitting them Friday night while their parents had a night out. They are from Mongolia and Munhuush is a patient at St. Jude. He needs your prayers right now so please lift up this precious family in prayer!

Out with the old and in with the new, hello 2013

Good afternoon! I hope everyone has had a wonderful day getting ready to celebrate the new year! First, I would like to update everyone on my last appointment at St. Jude. They removed my stitches and put another bandage on my neck. I did not get to see the scar without the stitches but my mom did snap a picture before they put more protective stickers on it! It looks great and the doctor says that it is healing wonderfully! I can tell a huge difference in the way my neck feels. Before the surgery I had a lot of pain in my neck and it got to the point where I could not even touch the scar or the area around it without extreme pain and discomfort. It is still sore from the surgery, but it is a different kind of pain that I was experiencing before and I cannot wait for it to heal up so that I will be able to move my neck without any pain. I am so so so so thankful for my team of doctors and everything they have done for me to make me as comfortable as they possibly can. I am in great hands and I am so incredibly blessed to be a patient at St. Jude. Fighting my everyday battles would not be the same at any other hospital and there are not enough words to describe how truly wonderful St. Jude is. I will be heading back to my second home on Wednesday for the start of second round of keloid treatment. Please keep me in your prayers that the treatment will be effective and the keloids will not come back. This treatment is very painful because it consists shots into my scar, which is still sore, so please pray that God works a miracle and reduces the pain. I am not looking forward to Wednesday, but being able to see my St. Jude family makes it so much easier. If I were a patient at any other hospital without a huge team of people all fighting cancer together, this journey would be so much more difficult, and for that, I am eternally grateful for St. Jude. The year 2012 has been such a blessing. I am getting closer and closer to winning my battle against cancer. I have been blessed with another year of life, another birthday, another summer, another Thanksgiving, another Christmas, and most importantly I have been given 365 days of serving my Savior, Jesus Christ. Yes, there have been hard days for me this year but they are not important when viewing the big picture. Those moments when I was at my lowest, have helped mold me into the person I am today. The LORD has worked through my stuggles with my health to teach me the most important lessons and these lessons without a doubt trump my struggles. If I had the chance to I would not take this year back for anything in the world. If battling cancer means that I would be given the opportunity to learn the importance of depending on the LORD for every single thing, then I consider cancer my biggest blessing. My battle against cancer is so beautiful because each day I learn something new about my magnificent Savior and what a wonderful thing! Each day I am blown away by his unfailing love and constant faithfulness. My daily struggles do not even compare to the privilege I have of learning to depend on my Great Healer in every aspect of my life. Tonight as you reflect all of the wonderful and not-so-wonderful things that have happened in the year 2012, try to find your "cancer". Maybe you do not have cancer but there is something that has happened to you this year that has made you into a better person. Something difficult or something wonderful has happened to you that has played a role in shaping you to be the person you were designed to be. If something difficult has happened to you and you haven't been able to view it as something positive, I challenge you tonight as you think about this year to look at your trials from a different perspective. Coming to terms with trials is a process and you do not simply wake up the next day at peace with everything, but tonight can be the night you start the healing process. Tomorrow is the first day of 2013 and I pray that the difficulties that come our way will be viewed as God woking in our life for our benefit and that we together will serve him in all that we do. In this coming year we will all want to be loved, accepted, healthy, and happy. There will be moments when life is going smoothly and there will be moments when life gets rough, but on the mountaintops we need to learn to give glory to God and in the valleys, learn to depend on him for strength. I pray for everyone's safety tonight and that 2013 will be filled with countless opportunities to fall deeper in love with Jesus.

My lovely new scar from my last appointment

My friend Luis who is also a patient at St. Jude and is cancer free!

And on a lighter note please enjoy this extremely glamorous picture of me fresh out of surgery aka my lowest point. I asked my mom to take a lot of pictures so I could put them on my blog. I remember her taking this picture and thinking to myself "I can't wait to see that picture I know it was great". I seriously thought that it was possible to take a good picture post-surgery but boy was I wrong! Hope everyone has a wonderful night and stays safe. :)

Bye bye stitches, you won't be missed

Good morning! I hope everyone has had a wonderful start to their day! Right now I am on my way to St. Jude to get my stitches out. I think that is my only appointment today, but I'm still not sure. I love going to the hospital and it is always so nice to see my friends and see how they are doing! Please keep me in your prayers and pray for peace because I am a little nervous. The LORD's plan in so wonderful and his faithfulness is overwhelming. It is easy to get nervous before appointments, but the LORD never leaves my side and becomes my strength, even in the most difficult moments. My sweet friend Andre passed away this summer and yesterday was his birthday. Please keep his family in your prayers as the holidays get closer and they are reminded of the absence of their son. Please pray for all of the children at St. Jude's healing and that they will have the strength and courage to face their everyday battles. Have a blessed day!

Psalm 118:24

Hello! I hope everyone is having a blessed day, because I sure am. I am sorry I haven't updated in the last few days. I have been very sick; I lost my appetite and was throwing up a lot. At first we thought it was the morphine that was making me sick, but when I stopped taking it a couple of days ago, I still continued to feel sick. We think that it is the antibiotic that is making me sick, because I am still having to take it, and I am still getting sick. My loss of appetite and being unable to keep food down, has caused me to lose 13 pounds. The good thing is that I will be able to gain that weight back once I feel up to eating again. Today I am feeling a lot better. The pain in my neck is still present, but so much better than before! Also, I have not thrown up today, and I am gaining my appetite back. So if you ask me, today has been GREAT day so far! And some of my wonderful friends brought me fro-yo yesterday which hit the spot perfectly, especially after not eating for a while! Thank you guys, y'all are so special to me. :)  Thank you everyone for thinking of me and continuing to offer your prayers. I will keep updating! Life is the most beautiful blessing, and even on the hardest days remember that you were blessed with another day to live, so why not be joyful? "This is the day the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it." Psalm 118:24 Have a blessed night!

My new scar!

Hey guys! I wrote this yesterday but forgot to publish it...

December 9, 2012: Hello everyone, I hope that your day has been great! Today has been a fabulous day, filled with resting and spending time with lovely visitors. I have great news; I had a great sleep last night and the pain in my throat from the breathing tube is completely gone! I was so excited when I woke up this morning and realized that there was no more pain. My sister and I had a "slumber party" last night which was a lot of fun and there was a huge difference in the way I felt after a good night's rest. I am so thankful for the absence of the pain in my throat and a complete rest. I still have a lot of pain in my neck from the incision. Also my neck is very stiff since the doctor cut out some of my skin, which causes extreme discomfort. Because of the pain in my neck, I am still taking morphine, which means I am still sick to my stomach. I would rather have less pain and be sick to my stomach than be in a lot of pain, so I continue to take morphine. I have not thrown up today which is also really good news so please continue to pray for my pain and nausea. Today I was allowed to take off my bandage which was really exciting. I have been wearing a dressing over the scar since I got out of surgery and the doctor told us that 48 hours after the surgery, we could remove it. I love my scar, simply because it is visible evidence of my testimony. So many times I have been asked about my scar, leading to the opportunity to share my story with random strangers. But since my old scar had keloids, they had to cut it completely out. Now I have a brand new scar which is so exciting! It was really scary to take off the bandage because I had no idea what the scar was going to look like and I am not really good with change. I am so thankful for my new scar and the opportunity to have this surgery. I cannot wait to be able to touch it without any pain. Thank you EVERYONE for your prayers and support during this time. Y'all are so wonderful! "And He who sits on the throne said "Behold I am making all  things new."" Revelation 21:5. Through Jesus Christ, I am a new creation.