As always, I am a few days late, but better late than never, right? It has officially been a year since my surgery! Technically speaking, it has been a year and two days, but we can just pretend that I was on time! I made a Facebook post but my post in here is slightly delayed...

Today is a special day because a year and two days ago today I went in for my third surgery. My cancer had relapsed in May 2013 and spread to my lymph nodes. St. Jude sent me to MD Anderson to have my surgery by one of the top head and neck surgeons in the world. The airfare, the surgery, the medical care, and the housing all paid completely by St. Jude. This is one of my favorite pictures from this week that is forever engrained in my mind. The first time you look at it, you see me sitting in the bed just waking up from surgery, however if you look closer you see Luis holding my hand. We both have on our medical bracelets on and at this moment we were both at the climax of our treatments. Luis, who was currently on chemo at the time, flew down to Houston to take care of me. He was feeling pretty crummy, the way chemo loves to make you feel, and despite his own medical circumstances he still came, for me. There was nothing glamorous about recovering from a 6 hour surgery but Luis looked at me like I was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen. He stood by me and helped me start to walk again. When I think of this week I don't think of the pain, the discomfort, or the physical toll the surgery took on my body, but I think of the selflessness and unconditional love of Luis Aguilar.

Ephphatha

"He [Jesus] looked up to heaven and with a deep sigh said to him, "Ephphatha!" (which means, "Be opened!") At this, the man's ears were opened, his tongue was loosened and he began to speak plainly."

Mark 7:34-35

As many of you know, on May 26th (Tuesday), I was told the wonderful news that my cancer is officially in remission. Yes, you heard me correctly... I am in REMISSION. But before we jump straight into the medical terms and my "healing", I want to share a story with the intention to encourage and glorify the one true Healer. 

On Sunday night, the day before my check-ups, Luis, his family, and I sat down together for a prayer time. When we pray together we open with a prayer asking the LORD to speak to us through scripture. We normally mention what we are specifically praying for, in this case my check-ups, and ask for the LORD to provide us a verse for encouragement. On Sunday, I was overcome with worry and consumed with doubt; positive thoughts were no where to be found in my mind. When my mom and I went to Houston in January, we were expecting a clean report, but instead we were told that there were a few suspicious spots along with one on my carotid artery.  So naturally, after a few months of letting that update marinate in my mind, my hope, or lack thereof, was slim to none. By the time my "big May check-ups" rolled around I was extremely doubtful of healing and very confident that I was going to receive another update like the one from Houston, but maybe a little further along. Long story short, as hard as this is to admit to myself and to the internet, I had lost the faith in my healing completely.

"Losing faith" or in my opinion running away from the LORD out of fear and hurt, happens when our plans do not align with the LORD's plans. It is a very very scary realization to come to your senses and know that basically everything is completely out of your control. However, comfort is also found in this fact, for when we receive bad news and when we are searching for encouragement most of the time the first thing that comes to our mind is "it's all for a reason." Deep in our heart we know because the LORD is present, His plan is without flaw, but it is indeed a process to get to that point. For me, I was hoping to be told I was in remission and my soul longed for those prized words, however when I was not given that gift I chose to lose hope completely instead of clinging to the LORD, being patient, and fervent in prayer.

When I sat down with Luis' family his mother and father both prayed over me and they asked the LORD to remove all doubt from our minds. For me, that was a much needed request. Berta, Luis' mother prayed specifically for my healing and for my scans. The coolest thing about Berta is her outstanding faith. Whenever Luis or I have a bad day (cancer wise) she will lift us up with prayer and encouragement and is always saying (in Spanish of course) "the miracle is already done, you are healed, we have to believe and be patient." If Luis has bad scans she still declares that her son is going to be healed. Berta and her husband Allan both have outstanding perspective when it comes to cancer and our specific battles. They are always praying and reading the Bible and lifting us up with encouragement in any moment they possibly can. After Berta prayed for me, she asked the LORD to speak to us and encourage us so that we may not lose hope. Once, we were finished praying, she opened the Bible randomly and landed on Mark 7. After reading the passage of the deaf and mute man who was healed by one word, Ephphatha, my hope was completely restored. I know that it was not random, or by chance that Berta opened to this specific healing passage. I know that it was the LORD speaking to my hopeless and doubting little heart and telling me not to worry, for the miracle has already been done. This story gives me goosebumps every time I tell it because it is such a good example of how the LORD is always present, even when it feels like he abandons us. We are His and no matter how far you run away from him, you can always come home.

On Monday Mom, Luis and I headed to the hospital for my appointments. I did not have too many appointments only blood work and an ultrasound of my neck. After those were completed, we had to wait until Tuesday to get the results. The next day, we met with my doctor who informed us that there were a few small spots still there but they are not exactly "life-threatening." With my condition and most cancer cases, it is impossible to get rid of every single cancer cell so the best you can do it keep them at bay. Thyroid cancer is such a cool cancer and I am going to try my best to explain this without confusing anyone. In my first surgery, they removed my thyroid completely because the tumor was on the thyroid, thus infecting the whole organ. You cannot live without your thyroid so there are synthetic hormones that must be taken every day to replace it. No big deal, most people take medicine daily anyways. However, since they removed the whole thyroid there should be no thyroid left in my body. The "spots" are left over thyroid tissue and if my medicine dosage is too low and my body does not get the amount of hormones it needs, the brain will send signals to these leftover pieces and they will try to grow and join together to make a new thyroid, something that we do not want. So instead of surgery or another round of radiation, my doctor has purposely raised my medicine to a higher dosage and over time the leftover spots will die off on their own. There were only two or three extremely small spots and the doctor is very confident that after keeping my medicine "high" for five years, they will be gone. So right now I am lumped into the remission/no evidence of disease category and I am overjoyed! I have been longing for these words and here I am being able to declare and claim my healing! The LORD is incredible and greater than anything, even cancer.

Me and Luis hanging out in the cafeteria in between appointments. I am so thankful to have Luis in my life. He never misses any of my appointments and is always by my side. On the long hard days, like this, he always goes above and beyond to make sure that he makes it a good day. He picked me up in the morning and had made me breakfast (which we ate in the car) and had my favorite songs playing in order to cheer me up. He is the BEST! 

 Luis was there for me, now it was my turn to be there for him! Chemo time!

Ultrasound

Good morning all! This is the start to a very busy week and I am writing this post with a peace in my heart knowing all that is to happen over the next few days, will happen just as it is planned to. Although it is extremely terrifying surrendering your worry to a plan where the details aren't exactly shared with you, it is also completely liberating.

Today Luis will start his new treatment. The protocol consists of a simultaneous infusion of four different chemos over many days. I know what you're thinking, "thats a lot for a person to have to handle" and you are exactly right. My mind still cannot wrap around the fact that it is humanly possible for a person to receive four chemos. Having only one chemo is horrible and having a combination of four is, for lack of better words,  utterly exhausting.  I am updating and also asking for a favor in return. I ask you, whoever is reading this, to think of Luis and say a prayer of healing for him. And if you feel moved to, send him a quick word of encouragement. Right now we need to remind him that he is not alone and has many people who love him and are thinking of him. I will post pictures and updates as the week progresses and express any specific prayer requests.

On Tuesday, Luis will be having chemo, and I will have my ultrasound on my neck. We will compare the measurements of the spots to the ones taken from January. We are praying and hoping that the spots have grown smaller and or diminished. However, whatever the results, we will still sing our praises to the LORD because his plan is good, so good.

"What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?" Romans 8:31

Romans 8:26

It has been ages since I last posted an update on my current situation, however, I needed some time to process everything. Leading up to my trip to Houston, I became extremely confident the doctors would give me the gift of being able to describe myself as "cancer-free". I did not have the privilege of being told those lovely words "McKendree, you are cancer-free". The ultrasound team at M.D. Anderson discovered a few suspicious spots (six specifically) in my neck area. The head of the head and neck ultrasound team seemed alarmed, but later on in the day when my mom and I met with my surgeon, he assured us the spots were nothing to worry about. He claims the spots could be a stitch not yet dissolved, or even possible swelling. After receiving mixed signals and not a solid answer, my heart needed some time to process and heal without the pressure of going on the internet and spilling out my thoughts. And also, the act of writing, results in the act of admitting something is reality. Although writing has the possibility to be liberating, in some instances it becomes a burden simply because one is not ready to face the truth. Hiding from the truth is exhausting. In the beginning it seems like a good idea, but over time, it only makes things worse.

At the end of May, I will have an ultrasound at St. Jude to measure the suspicious spots. If they have grown or multiplied, we will consult with my doctor and talk about the next step. But, if the spots have disappeared or gotten smaller, we will continue to monitor them, with a relieved heart.

Currently, Luis is in ICU, with what the doctors believe to be pneumonia. He has been in isolation since Thursday and the doctors plan on running tests Tuesday to monitor the progress of his healing. Please keep Luis in your prayers. Pray for his emotional and physical health. He is in a lot of pain and has been experiencing difficulty breathing. The doctors have prescribed morphine to help ease the pain, but Luis still remains uncomfortable.

The combination of my health and Luis' has worn down on my soul. Personally I have been struggling with finding the words to pray, specifically the "right words" to pray. I met with my friend Tracey at the beginning of the week to try to make sense of everything. She shared some beautiful words, and I wanted to pass them along because they have been the hope I am clinging to. For starters, she assured me that I do not need to exhaust myself in trying to "pray the right words". If God needs us to pray a specific and correct way, then what Jesus did for us on the cross is not enough. God craves our hearts, not our "perfectly thankful" prayers. He does not want us to pretend like we are completely fine, but wants us to confide in him with our honest and raw thoughts. And secondly, she shared Romans 8:36, a verse that I have skimmed over in my Bible but I had not given it the attention deserved. "In the same way the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us, with groans that words cannot express". Wow, so much truth; truth I had been longing for, but didn't know where to look. How cool is it that the Spirit living inside of my heart, is constantly praying for me, and even better, praying for things I am unable to express because they are too great for my mind to comprehend. So encouraging. It is much easier said than done, but we must accept our brokenness because it is what keeps drawing us back to our Savior.

I have been putting off this post due to my struggle to find the words to say. Most times I can sit down and write a post in one sitting, but other times (like now), it can take me weeks. Start, stop, delete, repeat.

In my most recent post, I asked for prayers for Luis' three month scans. In August Luis' cancer was put into remission after enduring several weeks of chemotherapy. Luis has survived osteosarcoma not once, but twice, and with every relapse he has handled his situation with grace and ease. He has welcomed every trial with a smile knowing that he has the privilege to touch lives in a unique way. His attitude and faith throughout both of his battles has been nothing short of extraordinary, and it has only continued to grow through his most recent challenge.

After being in remission for three months, Luis started to feel normal again. He finally had the energy to do things that he was unable to do during chemo and most excitingly, his hair was beginning to grow back again. These old feelings that Luis had temporarily forgotten due to the harsh reality of his treatment came to a stop in November when Luis was told that his cancer returned in his lungs. Luis has started his third battle against osteosarcoma (bone cancer) and he is currently on three different chemotherapies. There are not enough words to describe how proud I am of the amazing man that has come about as a result of this incredibly tough challenge. I am lucky enough to say that I have been able to witness this beautiful process first hand. Lu (I know you're reading this) please never forget how proud of I am of you. You have taught me to face trials with a thankful spirit and to smile in the face of hardship, I love you.

I am writing this blog from Houston, Texas! This afternoon mom and I arrived in Houston and we have started my six month check up process. I am very confident and I have an overwhelming feeling in my bones that tomorrow we are going to be told that I am cancer free! I long to hear the words "We will see you in another six months McKendree. Go out and celebrate for you have not overcome cancer once, but twice". Tomorrow my day is jam-packed with testing, ultrasounds, scans, and meetings with all of my doctors. We are hoping to have the results by the end of the day tomorrow and I will post as soon as we hear any news. If you remember, please say a quick prayer for the doctors and that the LORD will provide them with great knowledge as they view my images. LORD give them your eyes and the capability to detect anything that does not belong in my body. LORD grant us peace tomorrow as we anxiously wait for the results. Remove any past memories that may be flowing through our minds and replace them with sweet thoughts of your mercy and faithfulness. LORD be with Luis and take away any pain, both emotionally and physically, that he may be experiencing. We will wait for your healing, but in the meantime please give us patience to keep our faith. Thank you LORD for our unique opportunity to grow closer to you. We praise you for our trials!

Thank you everyone for the prayers for me and Luis. We are so thankful for the overwhelming love that we have received over the past few months! May the LORD be glorified through all of our trials and may people be encouraged to fall deeper in love with our Savior.

Superman came to drop me off at the airport this morning! :)

My beautiful mommy and me on the plane

Calling all prayer warriors!

Good morning, I hope that everyone has had a wonderful start to the great week we have ahead of us! I wanted to write a quick post, with a very important prayer request that is close to my heart. This morning Luis is at the hospital getting his 3 month check up and scans. These scans are very important and it is always the first check up that is always the most difficult emotionally. If you remember and have time, I would really appreciate if you could say a quick prayer for Luis. Please pray that only good news will be told to Luis and his family and that the scans will reveal the LORD's healing in his lungs. We ask for courage and peace for Luis and his family as well as knowledge and insight for the doctors and radiologists. I know that my Savior is capable of miracles and that he is far greater than any sickness or disease. No matter the results, we will still rejoice and praise the LORD as we wait patiently for Luis' healing.

"the cushion of the sea"

Hello everyone and happy happy Tuesday! I hope that everyone has had a wonderful start to the week. It has been a while since I last posted in here and I have a lot to update on, so hang tight!  Last Wednesday, my day was jam-packed with appointments at St. Jude. I had labs, triage, physical therapy, occupational therapy, clinic, and a follow up with one of my surgeons. Thankfully the Walker clan was on time to all of the appointments, which let me assure you, never happens. My endocrinologist  met with me and my mother and told us that he thought it would be necessary for us to go to Houston the following week. My neck has begun to start hurting and externally it is evident that the keloids are forming again. My endocrinologist and my surgeon back in Houston both agreed that it would be best for me to come back so that my surgeon could get a good look and decide what he wanted to do. On Sunday my mom and I boarded the flight which would bring us, and some other fifty-or-so people to Houston. My little mind was overflowing with worry and fear that I had about the upcoming days so I opened my devotional book and I read this passage: 

"There is a part of the sea known as "the cushion of the sea." It lies beneath the surface that is agitated by the storms and churned by the wind. It is so deep that it is a part of the sea that is never stirred. When the ocean floor in these deep places is dredged of the remains of plant or animal life, it reveals evidence of having remained completely undisturbed for hundreds, if not thousands, of years. The peace of God is an eternal calm, like the cushion of the sea. It lies so deeply within the human heart that no external difficulty or disturbance can reach it. And anyone who enters the presence of God becomes a partaker of that undisturbed calm." -Streams in the Desert by L.B. Cowman 

I was blown away by the beautiful picture painted by these vibrant words. Needless to say, I needed to read that passage. I was so wrapped up in "the possibilities" and I was not focusing on the truth. I was torturing myself by thinking about bad things that could possibly happen and instantly forgetting the LORD's promise to never leave or forsake His children. This sweet moment on the plane gave me the peace and comfort that my little heart was longing for. It is so beautiful and amazing when the LORD knows what you need to hear and reveals it to you, sometimes through a song, or a devotion, or even through a conversation with someone. Once we landed I was at peace and ready to face any challenge that the LORD would put in my path with the confidence that it would be all for His glory. After we checked into the hotel the first thing mom and I did was call a cab to take us to our favorite restaurant! After a wonderful and laid back first night, we went to bed early to prepare for the long day that we had ahead of us. On Tuesday we woke up early and headed to the hospital to begin our day. We met with my surgeon who instantly decided that I needed to start kenalog injections. I had my first round yesterday and I will be able to do the rest of them back home at St. Jude! We are hoping and praying that these shots improve the pain and take away the discomfort that I am experiencing. Overall, our trip was quick yet efficient. I was able to meet with my surgeon and talk with my doctors here at M.D. Anderson. Thank you everyone for thinking of me during this week. I am glad to have it behind me but I am also ready and eager to face the trials ahead of me. I am ready to face all that is in store for me because I know that I am a part of "the cushion of the sea". This peace that I find in my LORD Jesus, is always there. It is unchangeable and unshakeable. Even though storms may be surrounding me, I know that I am safe in the cushion of the sea. Nothing can harm me; I am protected and shielded from the most dangerous storms that I will encounter throughout the course of my life. So to all of you who are in the midst of a storm, try to change your perspective. It seems simple but instead of focusing on the negative, like I did in the beginning, try to point out the positive things. Knowing that you are untouchable for the peace and protection of the God of the universe is surrounding you, is a great place to start.

On a more exciting note, earlier in the summer I signed up for the St. Jude Half-Marathon. It is my goal to complete it, even if I walk the whole way, I just want to be able to say that I have done it. I am doing this in honor of all of my friends who have won their battle and in memory of my friends who sadly lost their battle. I have committed to raising 1,000 dollars for the hospital and I need your help! No matter how small the donation, anything and everything is appreciated. You can click this link and donate HERE. Please help me give back to the hospital that cured my disease at no cost!

Me and my sister and posing next to the picture that Luis and I painted together. We incorporated our  love for music into the painting and the middle of the heart reads: "Sing to the LORD, praise His name." Psalm 16:2. This will be hanging up in the hallway of the hospital! 

Thank you Luis for coming to drop me and my mom off at the airport.

The traditional "just arrived in Houston" cab picture. 

On the way from the airport to the hotel I was amazed by how beautiful the sky looked. I am so thankful for God's beautiful creation that surrounds us. It was so calming to simply look up and see the beautiful sky. I was instantly reminded that no matter where I go, my God is always with me. (downtown Houston)

...and of corse we had to go to Carrabba's and order their special dish that is only available at the Houston location.

I got to meet some sweet people here during my stay. Monday morning when everyone loaded up on the shuttle to get to the hospital, this sweet woman caught my eye. Her husband has a brain tumor which was discovered after he was rushed to the hospital to seek care after a motorcycle accident. Her love for her husband was evident to everyone on the bus. She was extremely patient and helped him get into his seat and you could tell by the way she treated him how deeply she cares for him! It was so nice to meet you guys and I wish y'all the best. I will be praying for both of y'all during the beginning of your treatment. God bless.

Brokenness aside

"You are the Savior, you take brokenness aside, and make it beautiful."-"Brokenness Aside" by All Sons and Daughters. If I were to chose one word to describe how I have been feeling for the past three weeks, I would chose the word "broken". Starting with the most obvious, there was something in my body that was not supposed to be there, and I needed the doctors to restore my body to working order. I was broken and I needed to be fixed. In my last post I talked about the success of the surgery and how the doctors are extremely confident in that they were able to get rid of all of the disease. In order for the doctors to get rid of the disease, they had to remove over ninety of my lymph nodes. In addition to the ninety, I also had a few lymph nodes removed during my thyroidectomy back in 2011. If you are anything like I was a couple of weeks ago, you are familiar with lymph nodes but you are probably not extremely confident in their function. The lymph nodes act as a drainage system throughout the whole body and are responsible for getting rid of bacteria and activating the immune system. When one is missing a considerable amount of lymph nodes they soon become a candidate for a condition called lymphedema. Lymphedema can be triggered in many ways, like by constricting the affected area, carrying something over ten pounds, or even heat. Lymphedema causes extreme swelling due to the lack of lymph nodes and the lack of ability to drain fluid that has built up. This does not effect every single person that is missing lymph nodes, but since I do fit the criteria, I am going to have to keep an eye out for any signs of this condition. There are new rules that I have to follow and adjustments that I have to make, but this is my "new normal". I am working on learning how to make these adjustments and the LORD is for sure teaching me patience throughout this whole journey. Thankfully over the past week I have been taken completely off of my calcium and magnesium supplements, started to work on my range of motion, gone back to school, and I have even begun to drive again! It is the little things that I have taken for granted, but as I am slowly gaining them back I am overjoyed at the opportunity to return back to my previous state. Although sometimes we may not want to admit it, we are all broken. Maybe you are not battling cancer or any other disease, but you have your own challenges that you face. These trials can feel like stressful events that seem never-ending. In the midst of trial, it is so easy to lose sight of the glory that awaits us. For these light and momentary trials are not worth comparing with the eternal glory that is awaiting us (2 Corinthians 4:16-18). I encourage and challenge you to fall in love with your trial. Stop viewing it with a weary mindset, but learn to love even your lowest moments. Trials are beautiful and they are small gifts that the LORD so carefully plants in our life. We are allowed to learn how to live with these challenging conditions, which trains us to depend on our Savior. Our relationship with the LORD strengthens as we endure situations that are new to us. Even though our circumstances may change in the blink of an eye, one thing that always stays the same is the LORD's love for us and his yearning to grow closer to his children. For in these moments of "brokenness", you are being restored and renewed. You are being molded into the person that you were designed to be. So whatever your trial is, learn to love it and welcome it with open arms for it is an opportunity for you to glorify the LORD by choosing joy in the course of your hardship. Rejoice in your moments of "brokenness" because the LORD working through you and making you beautiful.

 On August 19th, Luis and his family received wonderful news as the doctor viewed the results of his scans. His scans showed that all of the tumors in his lungs were dead and calcified! He is done with chemo and now he only has to go back to the hospital every three months for check-ups. I am really proud of him for not only going through one battle with cancer, but two... and beating cancer both times! Right not he is experiencing swelling in his legs and it is uncomfortable and painful, especially in his left leg that has the titanium rod. Please pray that the swelling will go down and that the pain will go away. Also please pray for his scans in November that they will show that his tumors are still dead. Pray that his cancer will never come back!

Celebration time! So thankful for your scan results Luis! :)

My Scar! Please pray that the keloids do not form again and cause pain like the last two scars. So far I have not seen any signs of keloids, praise God!

The REAL update!

Hello everyone and welcome to my blog! It has been a very crazy week and I apologize for my long overdue update. I am just now beginning to think clearly as I am weaning off of my pain meds, so I am now able to share with everyone what I have been up to this week. Sunday afternoon my mom and I boarded our flight and arrived in Houston to start our little adventure known as "surgery week". I did not have appointments on Sunday, so my mom and I were able to spend some time in the city. We had a really nice and relaxing girls night which was wonderful and helped distract us from everything. Monday afternoon whole clan flew in; the "clan" consists of my dad, brother, sister, grandmother, and Luis. I've always been treated locally so I never had to experience the difficulty of being away from home; I love these people so much and I am so incredibly grateful that they were able to come and visit me. Their presence and support eased my mind and I quickly forgot that I was not in my city or in the care of my St. Jude. On Monday, I met with my surgeon and my anesthelogist and we reviewed the game plan for Tuesday morning. I really appreciate my doctors and I left their office with such a peace knowing that they were going to take great care of me. That night we went to the original Carrabbas with our friends the Karams and some of our family for our celebration! We have so many things to celebrate and be thankful for! We all enjoyed each other's presence and celebrated another day of life and the opportunity for me to be able to come to Houston. After dinner when we got back to the hotel room my mom and Luis surprised me with the best gift that I have ever received. We were sitting in the room and my mom suggested that we all watch a movie together. Luis said that he brought a movie that we could all watch and when he put in the disk, it was a movie that he made. In the first part of the video he recorded himself singing some of my favorite songs in the recording studio at St. Jude. Luis is extremely talented in the music department and I love it when he sings. It makes me so happy and it is so wonderful because now I can watch the video whenever I want. Luis, with the help of my dearest friend Emma, video-taped of all of my friends and family with their messages of encouragement and love. I would like to thank every single person who participated in my video. Thank you for taking the time out of your day to make sure that I was ready to face my surgery and to make sure that I was aware of all of the people that were praying over me. I cannot even explain the feeling that I had while watching this beautiful video. It made me happy, content, and helped me realize that I was ready and capable of facing this surgery. I am so thankful for Luis who made it his priority to make sure that I was ready for my surgery and I am so thankful for all of the wonderful people that helped him achieve his wish. So after this incredible gift, I was able to get a good rest and prepare for the early morning I had the next day. At 5:30 the whole Walker crew barreled into the surgery check-in room and I was soon transported into the pre-op room. They asked me to change into my gown and once I was dressed and ready to go, I said goodbye to everyone and they whisked me away into the surgery room. Next thing I remember was waking up in the recovery room with some new accessories attached to my neck. These lovely drains were put in place to make sure to that the fluid in my neck would not build up and cause a hematoma, thus taking me back into surgery. The surgeon was able to remove all three of my tumors without any problems, praise God! Soon after I woke up my family came in to see me and we waited there together until my room on the inpatient floor was ready. Once I got into my room I didn't want to do a lot but sleep and take pain medicine. Out of my other two surgeries this has been by far the most painful. For the first day I did not walk except to get up and go to the bathroom. I did not really have an appetite because if you have ever been hospitalized you know that the IV is notorious for putting a pretty bad taste in your mouth. But not having eaten anything all day and by the time dinner rolled around, a Chick-fil-a cookies and cream milkshake sounded very appitizing. If you have ever been to Houston, you know that the medical downtown area is made up of only hospitals; I've never seen so many hospitals in my life! So, bless my poor dad for having to go on a scavenger hunt to find my milkshake. The anesthesia always makes me sick so whenever I have surgery I am usually sick for about a week. Sad to say, the milkshake didn't stay down and it really upset my stomach. I apologize Emma for throwing up on our Skype call. I didn't sleep too well that night simply because the nurses would come in every couple of hours to take vitals and draw labs. We had to closely monitor my magnesium and calcium levels because since I only have two pair-of-thyroids and they were in shock from the surgery, we had to give my body these minerals manually instead of depending on the pair-of-thyroids to do their job. So here's a little medical lesson: your thyroid regulates your energy, metabolism, and hormones while your parathyroids regulate your magnesium and calcium levels. I do not have my thyroid and I only have two parathyroids when a normal person has four. You can live without them but you have to depend on medicine to replace them. Many people who do not have a thyroid have all of their parathyroids which is nice because it can be a little dangerous lacking both. So, after Tuesday was over and Wednesday rolled around, I was just thankful for another day of waking up and continuing my battle. Tuesday had its challenges but so did Wednesday. Luis came to visit me in the afternoon and he told me that I had to get out of bed and start walking. I was not really a happy camper when he told me this, but I knew that he was right. The longer that I waited, the harder it would be to walk. He challenged and encouraged me to get out of bed and walk up and down the hallway. We walked up and down six times! He was so right and after walking I started to feel much better. Thank you Luis for helping me, I wouldn't have been able to do it without you. My scar is three times bigger than the old one and covers the whole front of my neck. This makes it very uncomfortable and painful to walk. Walking isn't an issue, but holding my head up straight and not slumping is very challenging. Right now I have improved a lot since Wednesday when I would just walk with my head down but each day I get better. The LORD is definitely teaching me patience because I easily find myself getting frustrated or disheartened. I just have to remember that each day he is healing me slowly but surely, I'm on His time, not my own. Wednesday I ate lunch and dinner and I did not get sick! I was so thankful because getting sick to your stomach is a horrible feeling and its amplified right after neck surgery. Around dinner time, my doctors came in to remove the drains that were in my neck. All day I was anxious and nervous about being them removed. My thought process: if they had to surgically put them in, shouldn't they surgically be removed? Anyone who came into my room would receive the question: does it hurt to get your drains pulled? They all replied with "no, it is just uncomfortable". I thought that they were all just lying to me because I could not quite comprehend how pulling a 12 inch tube out of one's neck would not cause pain. I got myself all worked up for nothing! The tube just felt strange but it was not painful...yet. After they pulled the drain it began to look like I was bleeding under my skin. The doctors were concerned that a hematoma was forming so they had to apply pressure to my fresh scar for roughly an hour. My mom is better at explaining this, so here is a copy of her post from Facebook: "Last night McKendree had a little bobble. They removed her drains and she began to bleed. The surgeons applied pressure and worked to stop the bleeding for close to an hour. The concern was a hematoma that would require us to go back to surgery. The big time of danger was over night. So far so good ! We will watch closely for the next few days. Praying she wont develop a bleed. Our prayers are also for her calcium and magnesium levels to come back to normal to show her parathyroids are functioning. She does have some low function now. We are grateful for that." So, for two nights in a row, sleep was not really an option due to the fact that the nurse would come in every hour to measure my neck. Thankfully I did not swell for the rest of the night and we didn't have any more complications like that! Like I said earlier, it has been a crazy week, but I am just thankful to be on the road to recovery. My God is an awesome God and he is the great Healer. He has protected me, saved me, and is working in me to produce full healing. I am so thankful to praise and serve Him. Through the good and the bad I will forever praise my Creator. So I think its safe to say, tumors you will NOT be missed and I prefer that y'all decide to never come back. Thank you everyone for showering me in your love and support. Having such wonderful people behind me and rooting for me made this week so much easier. We made it through the week and later today I will be boarding a plane to come back to Memphis! My God is GREAT. "Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. o For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary but what is unseen is eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:16-18.

 I love the Karams!

Aunt Patsy and Luis!

I love my beautiful sister! Although this was taken at 5:30 in the morning, I'm very impressed to say that this is probably one of the best pictures we have ever taken together.

Dressed and ready to go!

Addios Lu, I'll see you in a few hours! God's Got This! 

Ready for surgery! So overwhelmed by the love and support! Thank you everyone!

I am so thankful to have such a wonderful sister like you, Biz.

Once again my theory "it is impossible to take a good picture fresh out of surgery" is proven true. I think I have improved since my last one to say the least. 

Thank you Biz for always making me feel beautiful even in the moments when I sure don't feel like it.

My rock and inspiration. I am so thankful to have you Lu.

Thankful for my handsome daddy! Surgery is behind us and we are on our way to recovery!

So blessed to have his encouragement and support.

 Up and going!

Taking my two pesky drains on a walk!

 Applying pressure to my bleed

These guys had the best bedside manners I have ever experienced! They were so patient and kind! 

Surgery update

Hello everyone! As most of y'all know, I am in Houston and today I had my surgery. The surgery was successful and the surgeon was able to remove everything that did not belong in my body. Praise the LORD! I will try my hardest to post in here tomorrow with more details but for right now I am very exhausted. I am also on some pretty serious pain meds, so I'm not sure how well my post would turn out  to be. Thank you everyone for your love and support! I am so thankful to have such wonderful and loving people to lift me up during this difficult time!

The wise words of Luis Aguilar

It is a privilege to endure trials knowing that in return all of the glory is directed towards God. For me, that is what makes extreme trials, like cancer, bearable; for I know that I am simply being used as an instrument to further His Kingdom. For the past few days, certain phrases that the doctors told me have been constantly haunting me... "It is a risky surgery""Your tumor is a BRAF mutation""Your body does not respond to radioactive iodine treatment". Many of you know about Luis, my extremely close friend that I turn to during these moments because he gets it. I met Luis about a year and a half ago at a Christmas party for the hospital and since then we have been best friends. Luis was diagnosed with osteosarcoma (bone cancer) in February of 2011 and his prognosis was very gloomy. The doctors told him that they would have to amputate his leg and afterwards he would receive numerous exhausting rounds of chemo. When they opened his leg to see if there was any way they could save it, the doctors saw something completely different from the images they viewed the previous week. His tumor had shrunk drastically and as a result the doctors were able to remove the whole tumor and the bone in his leg to replace it with a titanium rod, thus saving his leg. His cancer spread to his lungs, and after many many long rounds of chemotherapy, the spots in his lungs were declared calcified. He was finished with treatment and would come every few months for checkups. In February of 2013, when Luis went in for his check up, it was confirmed that his cancer had returned in both of his lungs. Once again, the prognosis was gloomy with only three options on the table. Luis enrolled in a research antibody treatment, which only ended up fueling the growth of the tumors. With one option disqualified and only two options left, Luis chose chemo. This chemo is a weaker version of the first type he received in 2011 because his heart could not tolerate any more of the first type. Luis is currently still receiving treatment and he is estimated to finish this protocol in late August. So, where am I going with all of this? Luis has been told not once, but twice that the doctors would try their hardest to give him the best treatment, but nothing was guaranteed. Yesterday I was talking with him and telling him that I have not been able to get those scary thoughts out of my mind. The risks, the percentages, the odds. He looked at me and said "McKendree, it's okay for the risks to be extremely high, the percentages not to be in our favor, or the odds to be against us. This is so that when you are healed and when the miracle is performed, God's glory will be even greater. The higher the risks the greater the glory. The doctors told me that they were going to amputate my leg, and I even signed the papers, but when they opened me up even the doctors could not understand or believe what they saw. God's glory was even greater that day because the doctors and everyone around me witnessed a miracle. It was God, completely His healing." I was completely blown away by his perspective and left speechless. We want the doctors to bring up the difficulties of my tumor, the risks of the surgery, and my refusal of the treatment so that when I am healed, my testimony will speak even greater and bring even more attention to my Father in Heaven. I am so thankful that the LORD placed such a man-of-God like Luis in my life to help me understand and encourage me in my faith, especially on the days when I feel completely distraught and overwhelmed. I wanted to take a couple of minutes to brag on this wonderful young man and share his wise words. You can apply this to your life as well even though you might not be fighting cancer or an illness; for our trials and hardships in this life, although they are not guaranteed to be easy, are the most beautiful and promising things that this life can offer us. It is a privilege to suffer knowing that all of the glory is directed to our Creator. No trial is too small or too big, for they all serve the same purpose. So whatever your trial may be, embrace it and learn to love it knowing that the Creator of the Universe is using you as an instrument to lift up His name and to shine light in this dark world.

Luis after surgery! Thankful that his leg was spared, and eager to face the many months of physical therapy.

Finally able to walk again, such a blessing! 

Luis next to the statue of St. Jude that is located in the entrance of the hospital. 

Strong and super brave young man. 

It is well with my soul

The famous line from a popular church hymn has been replaying over and over in my mind for the past few days: "it is well with my soul". Early Monday morning, my mom and I boarded a flight from Memphis to Houston to start our procedure-filled adventure at the renown M.D. Anderson. Once we arrived in Houston we checked into the Rotary House, courtesy of St. Jude, and rushed to our first appointment. I checked in with my new patient number and waited patiently for the nurse to call me back. My mom and I were shortly relocated to a small consult room where we met with my "second opinion oncologist", Dr. Waguspack. In my recent posts I expressed that I was extremely nervous about going to a new hospital and seeing another doctor, but all of those fears soon were forgotten once I started to speak with my doctor. I felt like I was at St. Jude because he was real with me and answered all of my questions. He told me exactly what was going on and I did not leave our meeting feeling uneasy or unsure about any of the facts we discussed. The first thing he said to us was "Have you heard that thyroid cancer is the good cancer? Well its not". I did not know what to think after hearing that my although my condition gets downplayed, it is just as serious as the other cancers. He told us that when my tumor was first removed in August 2011, pathology ran a test on the tissue and it confirmed that my tumor was BRAF positive. If you are anything like me, I had no idea what that meant, so I asked him to elaborate. BRAF tumors can occur in thyroid cancer, colon cancer, and melanoma patients. They are a mutation and have the characteristics to be more aggressive and spread faster than your average tumor. He also told us that this is not a relapse or a recurrence, but this pesky cancer has been hiding in my lymph nodes the whole time; although the radioactive treatment might have knocked the cancer cells down a little bit, they never truly went away. A combination of my BRAF tumors and the inability for my body to fully respond to the radioactive treatment has led us to the place we are right now. The doctor scheduled scans, an ultrasound, and biopsies to try to get a better grasp on my case. A month had passed since I had any type of testing and the hospital wanted to repeat the tests just to see exactly what they are dealing with. So, on Tuesday I woke up very early to start my extremely busy day. I started the day off with morning labs where they drew blood and put in my IV for my scan. After labs we headed over to Diagnostic Imaging to get a head/neck cat scan. The scan was nice because since I was so tired from waking up early, I was able to shut my eyes for a little bit. M.D. Anderson is very different from St. Jude in a lot of ways. My mom and I were so tickled at the fact that I had to change into an ugly scrubs outfit and then sit in a room with a bunch of sick grumbling adults. We all were matching with each other and I was the youngest patient! At St. Jude nothing is communal, it is very private. Of corse at the Jude, we all wait in the same waiting room but after that we are all in separate smaller waiting rooms while we wait for our scans. It was an experience to say the least! Once we were no longer needed at Diagnostic Imaging, we walked toward the endocrine clinic to wait for my ultrasound. The reason that I went to M.D. Anderson is because they have an ultrasound team that looks at thyroids and lymph nodes and only that every single day. The ultrasound team at St. Jude is wonderful but my doctor felt more comfortable getting a second opinion from people that specialize in only head and neck. We were called back and led to a small room where I met the lady who was going to be in charge of my ultrasound. The plan was to have an ultrasound and set up for biopsy at the same time. When they would see a suspicious lymph node on the ultrasound they would biopsy it immediately. There were a couple of lymph nodes that looked suspicious but we only biopsied two of them because one was behind my carotid artery which is a very risky place to biopsy. About fifteen minutes later the doctor came back into the room and informed us that they lymph nodes came back positive for thyroid cancer. The biopsy was my last appointment for the day so once we were finished some of our friends that live in Houston came to the Rotary House and picked us up. They invited us to spend the night at their house and I am so thankful that they opened up their home to me and my mom. We all had a lovely time they showered us in love and showed us how as Christians, we should love and care for one another. Especially in the moments of sadness, we must encourage and build each other up in love. After a fun night at the Karams we went to the hospital for my last appointment! We met with the surgeon and set up a surgery date for August 6th. I also really liked the surgeon because he answered every single one of our questions... bless that man because you better believe it when I say that my mom and I had a lot of questions! :) I asked him if I was going to need treatment and since my body does not respond to the radioactive radiation what treatment would we seek? He responded with a smile and said "right now surgery is your treatment. We are going to take everything one step at a time and we will discuss that when we reach that moment, but right now I can't tell you that you are going to need treatment, it just depends on what I see when we open you up". Exactly like my meeting with the oncologist, I left the consult with peace knowing that all of my questions were answered. So, overall my trip to Houston was extremely wonderful! It was filled with beautiful people that I love, expanding my comfort zones, and I was given another opportunity to grow closer to my LORD. I am excited to see what the LORD is going to teach me during my second/ongoing first battle and I pray that all of the glory points to Him. For all of the lovely people who have been asking me what they can do to help... please just keep me in your prayers. Prayer is the most effective, important, and helpful thing that you can offer me. Please not only pray for my healing but also pray that the LORD will give me many opportunities to share my faith. I can only hope and pray to have unashamed and encouraging faith like Paul. Thank you everyone for your overwhelming love and support! "This sickness will not end in death. No, it is for God's glory so that God's Son may be glorified through it." John 11:4. It is well with my soul!

I love my supportive and beautiful parents. They set such a wonderful example for me and I am so thankful that they taught me the importance of loving Jesus Christ.

Thank you Luis for being so wonderful and making me feel at home while I was on the trip. A huge thank you to Luis and for all of the people who signed/wrote me a letter in the book. I cannot begin to explain the feeling of joy that I had when I read all of them.

Carlos, Luis, and me; thank y'all for coming to drop me off even though it was super early in the morning. Y'all are the best! 

Morning labs

My bothersome IV for scans

Pre-biopsy hence the smile haha 

Waiting, waiting, waiting

Confirmed that my lymph nodes came back positive

Love this beautiful woman of God; thank you for being such an encouragement to me! Being around you and your family is so refreshing!

 The original Carrabbas!

So thankful for the Karams