Worn

Are you worn? About a month ago, for the first time I heard the song "Worn" by Tenth Avenue North on my local Christian radio station. This station always mentions how God uses their station to "play the right song at the right time" and let me tell you this song was exactly what I needed to hear when I needed it the most. My friend Luis was recently told that his cancer has returned in both of his lungs. Luis's attitude and view on his second trial is nothing short of extraordinary and he has encouraged me so much in my faith over the past month and a half. Over Spring Break he received his first round of an experimental antibodies treatment and I was able to be by his side during the extremely painful infusions. Luis told me that "the LORD's timing is always perfect" because on the week that he started his treatment, I was able to be with him because I did not have school. That was such a "God thing" and I am so blessed to have had that week off of school so that I could support my dear friend. Over the past month and a half, my world has been turned upside down by the news of Luis's relapse and as a result I often feel worn. As I was driving home that one night and Tenth Avenue North's beautiful song came on the radio, I was amazed by the way this song portrayed everything that I was feeling and I was blown away its honesty. The troubles in the world and trials that the LORD so perfectly places in our lives can often be exhausting. These beautiful trials can cause us try to control things that are completely out of our control, resulting in exhaustion. In the midst of chaos we often chose to doubt or worry about the future when we should be doing the exact opposite. The LORD loves it when his children come to him with burdened hearts and chose to find peace in his presence. The truth is that we have nothing to worry about because we are in the most wonderful hands possible. The LORD cares for each and every one of his children and even though at times it is easy for us to wonder why he would plant trials in our lives, we need to remember the beauty that each trial entails. It is easy for us to view trials as "bad things" but in reality the are the best things because they remind us of our brokenness and we learn to embrace how broken we truly are. The only one who can fix our broken and tired hearts is the the LORD himself and all we have to do is simply ask him to fix us. He is the Great Healer and there is nothing too worn or too broken for him to fix. This damaged world and the trials that we have to face as Christians is exhausting, but it is so beautiful and such a privilege to be exhausted. Because in moments of exhaustion we are reminded how much we need our Savior.

I'm tired 

I'm worn 

My heart is heavy

From the work it takes to keep on breathing

I've made mistakes 

I've let my hope fail

My soul feels crushed

By the weight of this world

And I know that you can give me rest

So I cry out with all that I have left

Let me see redemption win

Let me know the struggle ends

That you can mend a heart that's frail and torn

I want to know a song can rise

From the ashes of a broken life

And all that's dead inside can be reborn

Cause I'm worn

I know I need 

To lift my eyes up

But I'm too week

Life just won't let up

And I know that You can give me rest

So I cry out with all that I have left

Let me see redemption win

Let me know the struggle ends

That you can mend a heart that's frail and torn

I want to know a song can rise

From the ashes of a broken life

And all that's dead inside can be reborn

Cause I'm worn

And my prayers are wearing thin

I'm worn even before the day begins

I'm worn I've lost my will to fight

I'm worn so heaven so come and fluid my eyes

Let me see redemption win

Let me know the struggle ends

That you can mend a heart that's frail and torn

I want to know a song can rise

From the ashes of a broken life

And all that's dead inside can be reborn

Yes all that's dead inside will be reborn

Though I'm worn 

Yeah I'm worn

Please keep Luis in you prayers over the next couple of months as he continues to receive treatment. His scans came back and showed that his cancer has spread 25%. He has stopped the research treatment and he switched to chemo that he started this week. I am so proud of him and the way that he is handling everything but please continue to pray for his strength and courage to face his second battle. Pray that the LORD will grant us patience as we wait upon his healing. 

Habbakuk 3:19

Good afternoon and happy Monday! I hope everyone has had a splendid day and a wonderful start to the week. It has been a while since I wrote and my blogging frequency is slowly going downhill due to school and other things that have been going on in my life lately and I apologize for my absence! Since I last posted in here I have had 2 "St. Jude days" and they both went well. My first appointment was another round of keloid treatment but this time I forgot to take my loopy medicine so it was a little more painful than I was expecting. The nurses in C-clinic are nothing short of extrodinary so when the tears started coming, they were right beside me holding my hand. The most recent appointment consisted of another meeting with my surgeon and we looked at before/after pictures of my neck. As I have mentioned before my neck has been starting to hurt so we believe that the keloids are growing again. The pictures showed that the scar is starting to raise up and grow larger, like it was before. My doctors also said that I am done with the keloid treatment and we are just going to wait it out to see what happens. I am extremely excited that I do not have to do anymore treatment, but I am a little disappointed that the pain has slowly started to come back again. This is just the way that my body scars and I am at peace with the situation. Of corse I would love to have a scar that does not hurt, but that is not the case and I am completely okay with that. There is a reason for this, and although I do not really understand it right now, I know that there is a reason. There is absolutely no flaw in the LORD's plan that he has for each and every one of us. His plan is so magnificent and sometimes we might wonder why he allows certain things to happen, but we have to remember that his plan is so GREAT! Greater than any plan we could think of ourselves. A couple of weeks ago my friend Luis was told that his cancer has come back in both of his lungs. Luis is one of my closest friends from St. Jude and he always helps me on the days when I am frustrated with my situation or when I need someone to talk and I can always count on him understanding because he has been through this before! Today Luis started his first round of treatment. Please keep him in your thoughts and prayers as he starts this process all over again. His faith and positive attitude never ceases to amaze me and I am so blessed to have him in my life. The treatment he is going to be receiving for the next couple of months is a form of chemotherapy but not the stereotypical chemo that he received the first time. This treatment is supposed to cause extreme pain while he is receiving it, and afterwards. Please pray that he will not experience a lot of pain and that this treatment will be the one that cures him. The LORD gives us things that we are not capable of handling so we can learn that we are not able, but HE is. He is our strength on the days that we feel we cannot go on and he is the one who enables us to the heights. "The sovereign LORD is my strength, he makes my feet like the feet of a deer; he enables me to go onto the heights." Habbakuk 3:19. I hope you have a blessed day today! :)

This is from last night when Luis went in for fluids (day before treatment). 

Right after his surgery on Friday to put in his port! So tough and strong!

Psalm 112:7

Good morning everyone! It has been so long since I last wrote in here and an update is long overdue!  The pain in my neck has begun to increase again and I am hoping it is just from the keloid treatment; the scar is also begging to raise up again (like it was before surgery) and hopefully it is just irritated/swollen from the treatment as well. I have come to terms recently that if the LORD wants the keloids to come back, they will come back! This is totally out of my control and I just need to wait patiently for his plan to be revealed to me. My scar is a physical reminder of everything that I have been through but now that the pain is back I am reminded more often than before. When I turn my neck the wrong way or when the sharp pains start, I am reminded of my journey, and how magnificent the LORD is. Although I prefer not to be reminded in a painful way, I need to realize that there is such a bigger reason for this, a reason that I cannot even begin to comprehend. I read this in my Jesus Calling devotional book and it was a much needed splash of cold water in the face! (I totally recommend getting this devotional book because is not too long, or too short, but always leaves you satisfied yet longing for more. The perfect ingredients for a devotional book!)

Give up the illusion that you deserve a problem-free life. Part of you is still hungering for the resolution of all difficulties. This is false hope! As I told my disciples, in this world you will have trouble. Link your hope not to problem solving in this life but to the promise of an eternity of problem-free life in heaven. Instead of seeking perfection in this fallen world, pour your energy into seeking Me: the Perfect One. It is possible to enjoy me and glorify Me in the midst of adverse circumstances. In fact, My Light shines most brightly through believers who trust Me in the dark. That kind of trust is supernatural: a production of My indwelling Spirit. When things seem all wrong, trust Me anyway. I am much less interested in right circumstances than in right responses to whatever comes your way. 

Be humble, because we deserve nothing. This is extremely hard to understand because we are selfish and broken humans who most of the time are unaware that nothing in this world is our own and ALL we have comes from the LORD. When something bad happens or does not go our way we become upset because we are confused why our God would let something bad happen to one of his children. In our minds we think that we are good people, right? We are broken people dead and consumed in our sins who fail the LORD each and everyday. So, the question should not be "Why does God allow bad things to happen to good people?" but "Why does God give so many blessings to sinners like us?" In this life we are going to have to face many problems, but they do not compare to the problem-free life we have ahead of us in Heaven. Greater things are yet to come, much greater. We become so accustomed to the numerous blessings in our like that when something does not go our way we get upset with God because we think we deserve better. James 1 states that trials are a blessing from the LORD and we need to use them to the glory of God. Like the devotional said "My light shines most brightly through believers who trust me in the dark." Whatever trial or bump in the road that has been planted in your life, I promise you that the LORD is using you in bigger ways that you can imagine. It is all a part of you becoming the person you were designed to be. Now its your turn to view your trial as a blessing and let everyone around see his light shining through you. Bring glory to his name and let his love be known! "He will have no fear of bad news; his heart is steadfast and trusting in the LORD." Psalm 112:7. I hope everyone has a blessed day!

1 Thessalonians 4:17-18

Hello friends! I hope everyone has had a splendid day and enjoyed every moment of this beautiful day we have been blessed with. Last Wednesday I went to St. Jude for my keloid treatment and it could not have been better. I took some loopy medicine to help me relax and it helped a lot! When I had my keloids, I would put numbing cream on my scar to help reduce the pain, because it was too painful to touch. This cream is literally pure magic and works wonders with the reduction of the pain. This time I did not use the cream because we do not want to put anything on the new scar that would irritate or cause any complications. As a result of the absence of the numbing cream, the procedure was more painful than I expected. The medicine helped so much, but numbing cream, you were greatly missed. I am glad so to have the first treatment behind me and I am looking forward to the day I can say I'm done with all the keloid treatment! The past couple of days I have been studying and praying on how to be thankful in every aspect of my life. We are called to "pray without ceasing and give thanks in all circumstances" in 1 Thessalonians 4:17-18, but what does that really mean and how can I achieve it? Being thankful is easier said than done and sometimes I find myself going days without taking a few seconds to reflect on all the countless blessings the LORD has so graciously give to me. Thankfully over the course of this past week, it has been revealed to me through my quiet times, that I need some serious improvement in the "being thankful" department. It is only normal to become accustomed to all of the wonderful things we have been given and before we know it we find ourselves consumed in selfishness. A key ingredient in becoming thankful is realizing that each and every thing you have comes from the LORD. The house you are living in, comes from God. The clothes on your back, come from God. The food you just ate for dinner, comes from God. The device you are reading this blog post off of, you guessed it... comes from God! Once we gain perspective and realize that EVERYTHING comes from God, it becomes only second nature to pick out these blessings and instantly give thanks. Some weeks you may find yourself truly living out 1 Thessalonians 4:17-18 but the next week you may find yourself struggling to acknowledge your blessings. Take a breath and don't be too hard on yourself because this is absolutely normal! Pray that the LORD will give you eyes to be able to see his blessings and a heart that appreciates all that he does day after day for us. We are broken people, completely and utterly consumed in our sins and we fail the LORD numerous times each day. His mercy for sinners like us is unlimited and he is understanding and forgiving when we may have a bad week and forget to make him our priority. To be completely honest, we are going to have countless days, weeks, months, or maybe even years that we forget to give thanks. What Jesus did on the cross for us makes those days of failure become a faint memory. We were bought with a price and this price covers all of our sins, especially the ones we find ourselves committing over and over again. Since becoming thankful is a process, why not start today? Be patient and challenge yourself to look around and point out those hidden blessings. You will fail and when you do do not become frustrated or feel ashamed, but let the LORD's mercy pick you up and replenish your weary soul. Learn from your mistakes and strive each day to be an better person than you were yesterday! Thanks for all of the prayers and support throughout my journey. I hope everyone has a blessed night! :)

Second "first round" of keloid treatment

Done with the first round!

My wonderful scar that I am so proud of!

This is my fantastic doctor who performed my surgery and has performed all of my keloid treatments. He is so wonderful and I am very grateful to have him as a part of my team!

These are my friends Munhuush and Grace and I had the privilege of babysitting them Friday night while their parents had a night out. They are from Mongolia and Munhuush is a patient at St. Jude. He needs your prayers right now so please lift up this precious family in prayer!

Out with the old and in with the new, hello 2013

Good afternoon! I hope everyone has had a wonderful day getting ready to celebrate the new year! First, I would like to update everyone on my last appointment at St. Jude. They removed my stitches and put another bandage on my neck. I did not get to see the scar without the stitches but my mom did snap a picture before they put more protective stickers on it! It looks great and the doctor says that it is healing wonderfully! I can tell a huge difference in the way my neck feels. Before the surgery I had a lot of pain in my neck and it got to the point where I could not even touch the scar or the area around it without extreme pain and discomfort. It is still sore from the surgery, but it is a different kind of pain that I was experiencing before and I cannot wait for it to heal up so that I will be able to move my neck without any pain. I am so so so so thankful for my team of doctors and everything they have done for me to make me as comfortable as they possibly can. I am in great hands and I am so incredibly blessed to be a patient at St. Jude. Fighting my everyday battles would not be the same at any other hospital and there are not enough words to describe how truly wonderful St. Jude is. I will be heading back to my second home on Wednesday for the start of second round of keloid treatment. Please keep me in your prayers that the treatment will be effective and the keloids will not come back. This treatment is very painful because it consists shots into my scar, which is still sore, so please pray that God works a miracle and reduces the pain. I am not looking forward to Wednesday, but being able to see my St. Jude family makes it so much easier. If I were a patient at any other hospital without a huge team of people all fighting cancer together, this journey would be so much more difficult, and for that, I am eternally grateful for St. Jude. The year 2012 has been such a blessing. I am getting closer and closer to winning my battle against cancer. I have been blessed with another year of life, another birthday, another summer, another Thanksgiving, another Christmas, and most importantly I have been given 365 days of serving my Savior, Jesus Christ. Yes, there have been hard days for me this year but they are not important when viewing the big picture. Those moments when I was at my lowest, have helped mold me into the person I am today. The LORD has worked through my stuggles with my health to teach me the most important lessons and these lessons without a doubt trump my struggles. If I had the chance to I would not take this year back for anything in the world. If battling cancer means that I would be given the opportunity to learn the importance of depending on the LORD for every single thing, then I consider cancer my biggest blessing. My battle against cancer is so beautiful because each day I learn something new about my magnificent Savior and what a wonderful thing! Each day I am blown away by his unfailing love and constant faithfulness. My daily struggles do not even compare to the privilege I have of learning to depend on my Great Healer in every aspect of my life. Tonight as you reflect all of the wonderful and not-so-wonderful things that have happened in the year 2012, try to find your "cancer". Maybe you do not have cancer but there is something that has happened to you this year that has made you into a better person. Something difficult or something wonderful has happened to you that has played a role in shaping you to be the person you were designed to be. If something difficult has happened to you and you haven't been able to view it as something positive, I challenge you tonight as you think about this year to look at your trials from a different perspective. Coming to terms with trials is a process and you do not simply wake up the next day at peace with everything, but tonight can be the night you start the healing process. Tomorrow is the first day of 2013 and I pray that the difficulties that come our way will be viewed as God woking in our life for our benefit and that we together will serve him in all that we do. In this coming year we will all want to be loved, accepted, healthy, and happy. There will be moments when life is going smoothly and there will be moments when life gets rough, but on the mountaintops we need to learn to give glory to God and in the valleys, learn to depend on him for strength. I pray for everyone's safety tonight and that 2013 will be filled with countless opportunities to fall deeper in love with Jesus.

My lovely new scar from my last appointment

My friend Luis who is also a patient at St. Jude and is cancer free!

And on a lighter note please enjoy this extremely glamorous picture of me fresh out of surgery aka my lowest point. I asked my mom to take a lot of pictures so I could put them on my blog. I remember her taking this picture and thinking to myself "I can't wait to see that picture I know it was great". I seriously thought that it was possible to take a good picture post-surgery but boy was I wrong! Hope everyone has a wonderful night and stays safe. :)

Bye bye stitches, you won't be missed

Good morning! I hope everyone has had a wonderful start to their day! Right now I am on my way to St. Jude to get my stitches out. I think that is my only appointment today, but I'm still not sure. I love going to the hospital and it is always so nice to see my friends and see how they are doing! Please keep me in your prayers and pray for peace because I am a little nervous. The LORD's plan in so wonderful and his faithfulness is overwhelming. It is easy to get nervous before appointments, but the LORD never leaves my side and becomes my strength, even in the most difficult moments. My sweet friend Andre passed away this summer and yesterday was his birthday. Please keep his family in your prayers as the holidays get closer and they are reminded of the absence of their son. Please pray for all of the children at St. Jude's healing and that they will have the strength and courage to face their everyday battles. Have a blessed day!

Psalm 118:24

Hello! I hope everyone is having a blessed day, because I sure am. I am sorry I haven't updated in the last few days. I have been very sick; I lost my appetite and was throwing up a lot. At first we thought it was the morphine that was making me sick, but when I stopped taking it a couple of days ago, I still continued to feel sick. We think that it is the antibiotic that is making me sick, because I am still having to take it, and I am still getting sick. My loss of appetite and being unable to keep food down, has caused me to lose 13 pounds. The good thing is that I will be able to gain that weight back once I feel up to eating again. Today I am feeling a lot better. The pain in my neck is still present, but so much better than before! Also, I have not thrown up today, and I am gaining my appetite back. So if you ask me, today has been GREAT day so far! And some of my wonderful friends brought me fro-yo yesterday which hit the spot perfectly, especially after not eating for a while! Thank you guys, y'all are so special to me. :)  Thank you everyone for thinking of me and continuing to offer your prayers. I will keep updating! Life is the most beautiful blessing, and even on the hardest days remember that you were blessed with another day to live, so why not be joyful? "This is the day the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it." Psalm 118:24 Have a blessed night!

My new scar!

Hey guys! I wrote this yesterday but forgot to publish it...

December 9, 2012: Hello everyone, I hope that your day has been great! Today has been a fabulous day, filled with resting and spending time with lovely visitors. I have great news; I had a great sleep last night and the pain in my throat from the breathing tube is completely gone! I was so excited when I woke up this morning and realized that there was no more pain. My sister and I had a "slumber party" last night which was a lot of fun and there was a huge difference in the way I felt after a good night's rest. I am so thankful for the absence of the pain in my throat and a complete rest. I still have a lot of pain in my neck from the incision. Also my neck is very stiff since the doctor cut out some of my skin, which causes extreme discomfort. Because of the pain in my neck, I am still taking morphine, which means I am still sick to my stomach. I would rather have less pain and be sick to my stomach than be in a lot of pain, so I continue to take morphine. I have not thrown up today which is also really good news so please continue to pray for my pain and nausea. Today I was allowed to take off my bandage which was really exciting. I have been wearing a dressing over the scar since I got out of surgery and the doctor told us that 48 hours after the surgery, we could remove it. I love my scar, simply because it is visible evidence of my testimony. So many times I have been asked about my scar, leading to the opportunity to share my story with random strangers. But since my old scar had keloids, they had to cut it completely out. Now I have a brand new scar which is so exciting! It was really scary to take off the bandage because I had no idea what the scar was going to look like and I am not really good with change. I am so thankful for my new scar and the opportunity to have this surgery. I cannot wait to be able to touch it without any pain. Thank you EVERYONE for your prayers and support during this time. Y'all are so wonderful! "And He who sits on the throne said "Behold I am making all  things new."" Revelation 21:5. Through Jesus Christ, I am a new creation.

                                                         

                                                                   

                                                     

Things can only get better

Hello everyone! I challenge you to take a few minutes to stop and notice all of the wonderful things in your life. We are so blessed and we often find ourselves effortlessly taking advantage of these blessings. We have so many things to be thankful for and when we begin to thank the LORD for everything, we become aware of his presence, which overshadows all of our problems. Today has been such a lovely day and I am very thankful for all of the people who took time out of their day to come and visit me. Last night I did not get a lot of sleep because I was in a lot of pain. It was very difficult to fall asleep because my neck hurts a lot and each time I would try to turn on my side I would wake up. But besides my difficulty to sleep, my day was great! I was surrounded by friends and family who loved on me all day long and made it easy to forget my pain. It is so beautiful to see people take time out of their day to come and see me. Thank you everyone who came to see me. When I say it means a lot to me, that is an understatement because y'all mean the world to me! Right now I am still in a lot of pain. The incision is hurting and my throat is also sore because of the breathing tube that was in my throat during the surgery. The incision pain is about the same as yesterday and thankfully, the pain in my throat has improved a lot. Also, the morphine is not making my stomach as upset. I am still a little nauseous after I take it, but it is SO much better and I have not thrown up today, yayy! Today while I was lying in bed, I realized how strong the LORD is when I am not. A couple of posts ago I said that I was excited for my surgery and this is why. I am so weak right now and I am not even capable of walking down the steps without someone assisting me. You could say that right now I am at my lowest, but it is when I am at my lowest that I filled with the presence and love of my Savior. I am blessed that I have the opportunity to be brought down to this low point so that I can be reminded of the overwhelming strength of my God. When I am weak, he becomes strong and I love my cancer so much, because each day I am reminded of this. I honestly do not know what the next day will bring, but in each and every trial I face I am taught a new lesson. Today when I was sitting in bed, I stopped worrying about everything and just laid there, thinking about the beauty of life. Right now I am so content with life and every beautiful thing it has to offer. I am currently surrounded by people who love me and at the same time I am learning all over again what it is like to depend on the LORD for strength. I have NOTHING to complain about and that makes it so easy to stop for a second and realize that life is so beautiful. We should take nothing for granted and give thanks in all situations, even our lowest. Although it can be hard at times to gain perspective, in every situation there is always something to be thankful for. During the hard times you have to become patient and pray that the LORD will reveal his plan, and eventually things will get better, I promise. Whatever you are going through, try to take a second and realize how blessed you really are. Look up, because things can only get better. Thank you everyone for your prayers and love during this time!

Surgery

Good afternoon! I hope everyone has had a great day and found time to enjoy this beautiful Friday. Today I had my surgery and I am still a little groggy so I will try my best to make sure this post makes sense. :) Yesterday all of my tests and consults went extremely well. My first appointment was with one of the study nurses. Since St. Jude is a research hospital, my charts are used to learn more about my cancer so that they can try to make it better for the next kid who has the same diagnosis. There are a lot of studies that you can sign up for and each one is different. Some require extra blood work while others are easy and just require you to fill out surveys. I signed up for two of the new studies yesterday and I am blown away by the advancement of technology and the role it is playing in finding the cure to cancer. These studies extract your DNA from extra blood work and by looking at a certain part of your DNA, they can predict which drugs will not work in your body. When you are a cancer patient you take lots of different medications and they are mostly medications that you have never taken before so you have no idea how your body is going to react to it. This study tells you which medications you will have problems with without you having to figure out the hard way.  It can also predict future health risk possibilities like high blood pressure. How cool is that! I am very excited to be a part of this study and I am excited to see how this can make my journey a little bit easier because it is never fun to find out the hard way which medications your body cannot tolerate. This morning I had to wake up pretty early and head to St. Jude for my surgery. I was filled with so many emotions but listening to worship music and praying during car ride provided me so much comfort. The LORD calmed my troubled heart and granted me enough courage and strength to face another scary obstacle. This morning at 6:30 my pre-op room was filled my support group, aka the most wonderful people in the world. I am so incredibly blessed to call them my family and friends. After I changed into the hospital gown, my nurses came in and started my IV. I was a little dehydrated because of the "no food or drink after midnight" rule so it was a little difficult to start my IV, but eventually they got it in and I was soon on my way to the operating room. At St. Jude, they let one of your family members go back into the operating room with you while they are putting you under, so my mom came with me. It was so wonderful to have her by my side, because in moments like this, it is nice to look up and see a familiar face. Surgery went great and now I am able to focus solely on the recovery process. I am in a lot of pain right now and the doctors are giving me morphine to help. Last year when I had my surgery, the morphine made me a little sick to my stomach but I took it anyways to get rid of my pain. Once again I am taking morphine but this time it is bothering me more than last time. I have been throwing up and very nauseous so tomorrow my mom will talk to St. Jude and try to get me a different kind of pain medicine. The doctor told us that I will continue my keloid treatment after the surgery to make sure that they will not come back. This means that I will continue the injections into the scar. We are one step closer and what a blessing this whole journey has been! It is such a privilege to suffer knowing that through this trial, the LORD is being glorified. Please pray for my comfort, that I will be able to get a good night's sleep tonight, and for my nausea, that I will stop throwing up. Thank you everyone for your prayers and support! I love each and every one of you and y'all are so special to me!

Momma and sister lovin

The most wonderful group of people in the world

I love my sister. Her strength through this whole journey is an inspiration to everyone she meets!

The best best friend in the whole entire world, you are my blessing Emma!

St. Jude family! (Evan and Luis) They are both patients of osteosarcoma and I am so proud of both of them. Luis is cancer free since April and Evan is still in treatment. He had his limb sparing surgery in August and this week he started to walk with crutches! I am so proud Evan, God's got this!

My sweet friend Christal, who is also a current patient. She was admitted today because there is fluid around her heart. Please keep her in your prayers tonight as she spends the night at the hospital. Pray for all of the children at St. Jude.

He will grant you comfort in times of trouble

Hello everyone! I hope that your day has been spectacularly wonderful! It is almost the big day... and the closer I get to my surgery the more excited I get. Excited? Yes, you heard me right and I'm guessing you are a little confused, so I will help clear some things up. This past year and a half has consisted of constantly going to the hospital for treatment, labs, check-ups, procedures, scans, tests, and so much more. So right now this surgery means that I will be one step closer to getting my health back and being the "old McKendree".  Right now, due to the keloids forming under my scar, it is very painful for me to touch certain parts of my neck. The doctor will clean out the keloids in my neck which will make my pain go away. The pain did not begin to bother me until this summer when the keloids continued to grow even after my treatment of injections into the scar. Thankfully I have the option to get this taken care of and I cannot wait to be able to touch my neck without pain! I am very excited for the surgery because of so many reasons but at the same time I am scared. Surgery is never fun, starting at the waiting process and ending at the not so glamorous recovery. It is also not fun to be reminded of the way I felt after my first surgery. As I get closer to Friday, I am filled with feelings of fear and worry. As these feelings swim around in my head it is very easy to lose sight of the big picture. The LORD is in control and I am the first to admit that it is so easy to forget that his plan is so much greater than the plan I have for myself. He is concerned about every detail of our life and through the trials he is blessing us with, he is slowly molding us into the people we were designed to be. Everyone faces trails, they may come at different times, but a trial is still a trial and it is equally difficult. It is okay to be scared and just because you are scared does not mean that the LORD does not hear your prayers. He is there walking along side you through every decision you make and every challenge each day brings. And the best part is that on the days we doubt his plan, he continues to reluctantly pursue after us with open arms. We are loved by the King who died for us and has such a wonderful plan for each and every one of his children. Please keep me in your prayers tomorrow as I go to my appointments and consults. Pray that the LORD will fill me with his peace and that everything will go well. Thanks so much and I hope that everyone has a great rest of the night. Thank you everyone for their support and for keeping up with me!

This verse has been speaking to me a lot this week and it is such a wonderful reminder that I can turn to him in times of trouble and that I am cared for by the King of the universe. Nahum 1:7 I hope this verse can speak to you the way it has spoken to me!

You are missed Trent!

Hello everyone! I hope y'all are having a wonderful night and I just wanted to update on something that is very close to my heart. Yesterday my friend from St. Jude passed away. His name was Trent and he was only 16 years old. I had the privilege of meeting this strong young man and I am so thankful for the time I got to spend with him. I will miss Trent and so will everyone who was lucky enough to be able to call him a part of their life. Please keep his family in your prayers as they are having to deal with the loss of their son/brother. Trent's mom is a widow and has many children. He was close with all of his brothers and sisters so please keep them in your thoughts and prayers during this extremely difficult time. Heaven gained a beautiful soul, and although he will be missed, I know that I have one more person watching over me. Thank you Trent for always being a good friend. I miss you!

This song is so wonderful and I have found myself listening to it a lot this week and I thought I would share! Such powerful and moving words... "And when I cannot stand, I'll fall on you, Jesus you are my hope and friend." http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b-043_AMUcA

A time to be thankful

Hello! I hope everyone has had a wonderful week full of celebrating family and eating lots of yummy food! :) I would first like to update everyone about where I am standing with my medicine and surgery date. We got the blood work back and my medicine is not where they want it to be. They decided they are going to monitor it and maybe start to give me higher doses to try to even out the levels. As a result of this I am more tired than normal but since it has been over a year since my thyroid was removed, I have learned how to conserve my energy. Also, my surgery date has been set for December 7! Yayy! I am very relieved to have a date set in stone and I am super excited for the surgery because this means the pains in my neck will go away. Thank you everyone for your prayers and even though the blood work may not be where we wanted it to be, we just need to be patient because the LORD's timing is so PERFECT. This time last year I was in treatment and it has been so humbling to be able to look back on last year and see how much the LORD has worked in my life through this trial. The treatment that I receive is called radioactive-iodine radiation and when I am in treatment I have to be in isolation, so last year around Thanksgiving things were a little different. I was released from the hospital last Thanksgiving after staying in isolation for a couple of days but because I was very sick and tired I only went to one of the Thanksgiving dinners my family celebrates. Thanksgiving Day is always very busy because we go over to my grandmother's house for Thanksgiving lunch and then go to the farm with all of my cousins for 's Thanksgiving dinner. So, last year I was not able to go to the  dinner, but thankfully my beautiful grandmother convinced my mom into letting me come to Thanksgiving lunch. The radioactive iodine waves target and kill the thyroid tissue, but for people who do not have thyroid cancer this is very dangerous. Your thyroid controls your metabolism, hormones, and it is the energy source of your body, so I was not allowed to be around people because I did not want my treatment to interfere with other people's thyroids.  I had to keep my distance to say the least but it was so nice to be able to do something that my family always does and feel normal for a second. In my family we always joke about me being radioactive because for a period of time after I was released from the hospital I had to do a lot of "special things". I could not eat off of glass plates because everything I touched had to be cleaned or disposed in a specific way. My clothes had to sit in a plastic bag for 3 months before we could even wash them! How crazy! If you can stand back and find joy in the little things and even laugh at yourself it makes hard things so much easier. It was frustrating to have special treatment but at the same time it was hilarious because never in a million years did I think that I would be considered a "hazard" to the human race! :) My mother thought that it was necessary to caution tape the door to my bedroom which was pretty funny and brought a good laugh to everyone and small things like that helped ease the stress of treatment. I am very thankful for another year of sitting at the Thanksgiving table with my wonderful family. The LORD has blessed me so much this past year and I have SO many things to be thankful for. I am thankful for St. Jude and its wonderful mission to treat kids with cancer without making the families pay for anything, not even a penny. I am thankful for Danny Thomas for founding the hospital and all of the people who helped make his dream possible. I am thankful for all of the doctors who go above and beyond to make sure their patients get the best treatment possible. I am thankful for all of the lovely people I have met and have the privilege of calling my St. Jude family. I am thankful for the time I got to spend with my friends who have passed away, who through their actions and the way they handled their situation touched me in ways that no words can describe. I am thankful for all of the people who have taken time out of their day to pray for me or to call in and check in on me. I am thankful for the people who helped me find joy in situations when I thought that was not even possible. I am thankful for my wonderful friends and family who have been with me every step of the way. I am thankful for my teachers who have done everything possible to make school the less of my worries so that I could be able to focus on the most important thing, getting better. I am thankful for my blessing of cancer because without this trial in my life I would not be the person I am today. Hard times bring us closer to the LORD and through this trial I have learned to depend solely on the LORD for strength, emotionally and physically. Thank you everyone who has kept up with me and thank you everyone for your prayers! I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving and was able to enjoy the beautiful blessing of family. Thanksgiving is a day dedicated to reflecting all the blessings in your life, but in reality shouldn't every day be like Thanksgiving? We should give thanks everyday because the LORD continues to shower blessings upon us, blessings that we do not deserve "O LORD my God, I will give you thanks forever." Psalm 30:12. If you have a hard time spotting the blessings in your life just remember that the LORD woke you up today and blessed you with another day to live, shouldn't that be enough?

This is me in treatment last year. Because everything I touched became radioactive, the whole entire room was covered in suran wrap including my chair, computer, and floor. It feels pretty funny to look around your isolation room and see every single thing covered in suran wrap! 

St. Jude Day

Good morning everyone! I am on my way to the hospital for some blood work and meetings with doctors. I will have blood work to check out my thyroid levels to see if the leftover thyroid tissue is decreasing on its own and to see how my body is reacting to the medicine. I will also meet with some doctors to try to figure out a surgery date and hopefully we will get an answer today! Please keep me in your prayers as I undergo my tests and also pray for all the other children at St. Jude with appointments today. I read this verse yesterday morning and it is so appropriate because it is very easy to get nervous or scared when I have appointments. The LORD never fails to reveal scripture at moments when we need it the most and what a great reminder that he is with us at all times. He is so faithful and such a WONDERFUL God I serve. Thank you everyone for the prayers and love and I will try to update as soon as we figure out the results!

Suffering is a privilege... say what?

Good afternoon! I hope that everyone is having a wonderful day enjoying this beautiful weather with family and friends! Last week was extremely busy dealing with school but thankfully last Friday we did not have school because of parent-teacher conferences. Friday was so wonderful because I got to catch up on my sleep which means catching up on my energy and that was much needed after this crazy and fast moving week. This morning in my quiet time I read 1 Peter and all I can say is WOW. That crazy week jam-packed with quizzes and tests put me in a pretty foul mood and in an instant I was so wrapped up with everything that was going which caused me to temporarily forget the countless number of blessings I have in my life. Life moves extremely fast and it is SO easy to get stuck in this fast paced world and view our sufferings as burdens, when in reality they are the exact opposite. On this blog I always quote James 1:1 ("Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.") because I know that every trial that the LORD blesses us with ultimately draws us closer to the LORD and teaches us to depend solely on him. I know this because all last year I suffered with my battle against cancer and I learned so many lessons that some people do not even have the opportunity to learn, and what a PRIVILEGE it was to suffer for Christ's glory. The LORD's plan is so magnificent and he does not give us trials to punish us but to strengthen us and bring glory to his name. The frustrating thing is that sometimes when our world is falling apart we fail to keep in mind the bigger picture. Everything happens for a reason and sometimes the LORD's plan is revealed to us when other times we never understand why. Not understanding why the LORD would let "bad things happen to good people" leads us to doubt the magnificent plan the LORD already has laid out for us. When in reality we are not good people. We are so consumed and dead in our sin, failing the LORD day after day. The question is not "why do bad things happen to good people" but the question is be "why is the LORD's mercy so unfailing for broken sinners like me". Maybe you are dealing with a death in the family or maybe you are dealing with family trouble at home. Whatever your trial is, even though you may be extremely frustrated, I challenge you to view it as a blessing."But rejoice in that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed." 1 Peter 4:13.  I know what it feels like for something bad to happen to and honestly it always seems to happen at the worst time possible. You may feel like your world is falling apart but we have such an awesome God who is trailing behind us picking up our broken pieces and gluing them back together. There is nothing better than reading scripture and realizing that it was exactly what you needed to hear and after reading 1 Peter all of the things that troubled me were suddenly settled as the LORD spoke to me through his Word and calmed my heart. This past week I was super frustrated with my situation but after reading this it put everything in perspective. Suffering is a privilege and know that there is always a reason even though sometimes it might take you a little while for this reason to be revealed to you. Chase after the LORD and be patient in waiting. "after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm, and steadfast." 1 Peter 5:10. I hope everyone has a great rest of the day and has a good time trick-or-treating!

Very late update :)

Good afternoon! I just realized how long it has been since I wrote in here! I wanted to update everyone about the teen art show that was at St. Jude a couple of weeks ago and my surgery that is coming up pretty soon. The main hallway of the hospital is covered with artwork that the teens created and on October 3 the old paintings and poems are taken down and replaced with the new art work. Last year I did not paint anything but I sang a couple of songs after the new artwork was revealed. That was such a huge step for me because since my tumor was so close to my vocal chords my doctor said that there was a large chance that I would not be able to sing again. This was only weeks after my surgery and my body was still healing but since I find so much joy in music I decided that I would sing regardless if it sounded good or not. :) It was so shocking to hear myself sing that day, although it was not the best, I still was extremely excited because it was so neat to do one of the things that I loved doing before I got sick. This year I did not sing but instead I made a collage of pictures of my journey at St. Jude and I wrote a little paragraph about what I have learned over the past year of being a cancer patient. It is so wonderful to be able to have something in the hallways representing what I believe in and how faithful the LORD has been to me over the past year. The art gallery is now filled with wonderful new paintings but it was a little sad to see the old ones go. My friend Andre passed away this summer and he had one of the most beautiful poems in the art gallery and every time I would walk by it I would read it. No matter what kind of day I was having his poem and joyful words provided me so much encouragement. I met Andre at the teen art show last year so it was a difficult to be there without him being there as well but I know the positive impact he had on everyone. He was such a light of God's word and touched everyone he met, including me. I know he is pain free in heaven dancing with Jesus. Please keep his family in your prayers as each day is a challenge trying to deal with the loss of their son. My mom and my doctors are still talking about surgery dates and right now the two options are over Thanksgiving Break or over Christmas Break. We are still not sure when my surgery is going to be but we know that it is going to be soon it just depends on the doctor's schedule. Thank you everyone for all of your prayers and checking in on me even when I fail to write in this blog! I would like to ask everyone to pray for all of the kids at St. Jude but don't stop there. Please also pray for all of the families of St. Jude whose children have lost their battle against cancer. The St. Jude family is a huge family tied  together because as all of us have stopped everything that once was important and made battling cancer our priority. When something happens to one of the members of our huge family is affects everyone so please pray for all of the parents and families who have lost a child. Have a blessed day!

My lovely friend Kristen who has been there every step of the way during my journey and my friend Luis who is also a patient.

My art work "Whatever is going on in your life I challenge you to stop a minute and count the blessings in your life. This year has been a difficult year for me as I fought my battle against cancer but being a cancer patient has taught me so many important things. One of the many things cancer has taught me is to rejoice in all circumstances and view my trials as blessings. Coming to this beautiful hospital and being surrounded by my loving St. Jude family provided me the encouragement to make it through my weakest days. I am in the best hands possible and I am so thankful for everyone who has made St. Jude what it is today."

New Keloid Treatment

Hey everyone! Today has been a pretty good day and I hope everyone has had a great day as well! :) I went to St. Jude today and had a meeting with one of my doctors and had blood work. I thought that today I would have more scar treatment but it turns out that I did not have to have any today! My scar on my neck did not heal properly and there are keloids forming under it. Because of the keloids my scar is extremely sensitive and it hurts to even touch it so I started scar treatment a couple of months ago to help with my pain and hopefully get rid of the keloids. Keloid treatment is a series of injections into the scar which is no fun and hurts a lot since my scar is extremely sensitive. I was prepared to get my shots today but it was so great when they told me I did not have to get any today! Instead of doing keloid treatment I met with my doctor and he told us that we are going to have to have another surgery. The treatment that I have been receiving has not worked and we are having to turn to other options to help my scar heal properly and reduce pain. In the surgery they will open up my scar and clean out the keloids and also do the same injections internally instead of externally. They are planning on scheduling my surgery sometime in the winter because my doctor does not want my new scar to be exposed to any sunlight. At first I was extremely self concious of my scar but over the past year I have learned to love it  and see it as something that I have earned. Now I am very proud of my scar and it is so awesome when strangers ask me about it because I get to share my testimony with them. The goal of my second surgery is to get rid of the keloids which will help tremendously with my pain. Of corse we were not too excited hearing that I am going to have another surgery soon but I am looking forward to see if this will work and help my pain! Please keep me in your prayers and pray that this will work and the keloids will be gone forever! The LORD is the great healer and His plan for me is so GREAT! "Be on your guard, stand firn in the faith, be men of courage, be strong." 1 Corinthians 16:13. We still have not heard about my blood work but I will update when we hear the results! I have still been pretty tired so I think that my medicine is a little off and we need to alter it. I got to visit with one of my very special friend Leslie from St. Jude. She has been there for me since the beginning and she means the world to me. It was so great to catch up with her and see how she is doing. She will be having surgery on Monday so please pray that everything will go smoothly and that the doctors will be able to remove all of her infection. Thank you everyone for checking in on me today and for the prayers!

St. Jude day tomorrow

I hope everyone is having a spectacular rainy Thursday night! Tomorrow I am going to St. Jude for keloid treatment/follow up and possibly blood work to check my thyroid levels. Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers as I go tomorrow. Pray that after my blood work results we will be one step closer to getting my medicine where it needs to be. Also pray that my keloid procedure goes smoothly and as painless as possible! Continue to pray for all the kids at St. Jude and the doctors that the LORD would grant them wisdom in all of their decisions that they make regarding their patient's health. I am so excited to go tomorrow and see all of my friends from the hospital. They truly are the best people in the world! :)

Cancer anniversary

Hello! I hope everyone is having a swell day! These past 2 weeks have been really special weeks to me because these weeks are the weeks when my journey as a cancer patient started. Last week I posted saying it has been a year since I found my tumor but today is the day that the doctor informed me and my family that I indeed had cancer. Wow what a year it has been!! It is so crazy to think that a year from today around this time I heard the news that would change my life. After finding my tumor in church, the very next day we went to the doctor to have my tumor biopsied and get blood work done to see what the deal was. On Friday of that week after the tests the doctor called and shared the results with us. He told us that it was a 5% chance that my tumor was cancerous and not to worry but to schedule a surgery as soon as possible so that the tumor would not have time to develop into cancer. My family and I celebrated when we heard the great news after having a very emotionally draining week of waiting. My parents scheduled the surgery for the following Wednesday and because my tumor was not cancerous the surgery would consist of the removal of my tumor but I would be able to keep my thyroid. The day before surgery we went into a surgery consult where they would explain the surgery to me and my parents. I walked into the door of the doctor's office thanking the LORD for revealing the tumor to my mother at an early time before it had time to develop to anything more serious. I was so thankful and so excited that this tumor on my thyroid was nothing significant and I thought to myself that this would just be a bump in the road and before I knew it I would be back on my feet doing the things again that made up my daily routines. But as soon as I walked into the consult room I heard news that made me sick to my stomach. I was informed that I was that 5% and my tumor was cancerous. I cannot even begin to explain the rush of emotions that came over me after hearing that I had cancer. One of the main emotions was confusion. I was confused on how the doctor could tell us that everything was all right but just in a matter of seconds our excitement could be taken away. Nobody ever wants to hear that they have cancer but the LORD used this trial in my life to glorify Him and he is still continuing to do so. I have always been at peace with my situation because I knew from the beginning that the LORD would be faithful and walk alongside me the whole entire time. In the midst of these emotions of confusion and sadness the LORD settled my heart. It was like he was whispering to me "McKendree, I will never leave or forsake you." and my troubled heart was settled in an instant. My life was changed completely and one of the things that stayed the same was the LORD and his faithfulness. I want to thank everyone who was there for me this year. The people coming to my house to bring me milkshakes after surgery, the people who came to school wearing a bandana to make me feel better about my scar, the people who came over and watched movies with me when I didn't have energy, the people who came to St. Jude on those really scary appointment days, the people who came and visited me in treatment, and most importantly the people prayed for me. Your acts of kindness mean a lot to me but your prayers mean so much more. I believe in the power of prayer and after seeing our prayers answered how could I not? I cannot even begin to express how blessed I am to have the family and friends that I have because they were there for me every step of the way. It was so crazy how a text or message of encouragement could turn my day around so thank you everyone who kept up with me! I have the best friends and family! Wow, what a year it has been but I know that it will only continue to get better and I know the the LORD will continue to use me to glorify him with my story. Have a blessed night! :)