Today marks the three-month anniversary since Luis’ passing. This entire adaptation period has been nothing short of difficult and although I wish there was a book with step-by-step instructions on how to handle this, I’ve come to understand that grief is something you must experience. There is no way around it. You can’t cut the corners or hide away hoping that it will not catch up to you, because it will. The harsh reality is that everyone grieves differently and what works for someone else, may not help you in the slightest. While some prefer to keep themselves busy, others may find comfort in the silence and freedom of being alone.

I have realized a few things that I like to do to prevent me from falling apart, or at least lessen its severity. One of my greatest biggest fears is forgetting and I believe that I am not alone in this. Everyone is afraid of forgetting in some degree. One day our minds will not be as sharp or as keen as they are in this very moment. Time is notorious for fading the details of our memories, so I write. I write to remember. When I am sad, I write down a special memory that I have of Luis in a journal so that on days when I do not feel like writing, I can go back and relive the feeling of having him here with me. I am currently on memory number 136 and my list is continuing to grow. I am also extremely thankful for all of the videos and pictures I have of Luis. While some people do not like to look at pictures after the loss of someone special, I have found it extremely helpful. Once again, I am so afraid of forgetting him that everyday I look at pictures to remember what he looks like and how easy it was for him to make me smile.

Today specifically I have watched Luis’ hang gliding videos. To hear his voice and to see him so happy brings tears to my eyes, the good kind. Luis has a friend, coincidentally named Luis as well, who lives in Chattanooga. In order to keep things from getting confusing I will call Luis’ friend by his last name, Fortin. Fortin was an incredible friend to Luis. I can ramble on and on about the loyalty that Fortin showed Luis when he needed it the most. I knew that if I called Fortin and said that Luis needed him, he would get in his car and drive to Memphis. No matter what it was, Fortin would drop everything when it came to Luis. As much as Fortin came to Memphis, Luis would return the favor and stay with Fortin in Chattanooga.

Somehow they discovered a place on Lookout Mountain where hang gliding was open to the public. Luis was very adventurous and he became extremely enthralled with the idea of hang gliding. He made a few trips up to Chattanooga with plans of hang gliding, but they would be canceled because of the wind. A few weeks after we came back from Honduras, we went to visit Fortin. Almost as part of a routine, Luis and Fortin made two appointments for hang gliding. After being canceled on two days in a row, on our last day in Chattanooga the weather was perfectly safe for flying! I was the designated cinematographer and there was a lot of pressure riding on my shoulders. Luis loved his Go-Pro (a brand of camera) and he wanted to create a video documenting his hang gliding experience and I was tasked with responsibility to video him preparing for takeoff and his landing. I remember the smile on his face when he landed. I am at lack of words when I try to describe this special memory. Thankfully, I don’t have to describe it and I will let the pictures and videos explain for me. For entire five hour car ride back to Memphis Luis talked about how peaceful and beautiful the view was. I drove the whole way home so he could watch his videos over and over again. Within a few days after we arrived back home to Memphis, Luis entered hospice care. I know in my heart that with Luis’ condition he should not have had to energy to hang glide. We were all oblivious to the severity of his condition, and I know that this was Luis’ final gift to us. We have this beautiful memory to treasure forever and for that along with countless other reasons, I am grateful to Luis.

You are greatly missed, my love.

Click HERE to watch Luis' hang gliding video!