Out with the old and in with the new, hello 2013

Good afternoon! I hope everyone has had a wonderful day getting ready to celebrate the new year! First, I would like to update everyone on my last appointment at St. Jude. They removed my stitches and put another bandage on my neck. I did not get to see the scar without the stitches but my mom did snap a picture before they put more protective stickers on it! It looks great and the doctor says that it is healing wonderfully! I can tell a huge difference in the way my neck feels. Before the surgery I had a lot of pain in my neck and it got to the point where I could not even touch the scar or the area around it without extreme pain and discomfort. It is still sore from the surgery, but it is a different kind of pain that I was experiencing before and I cannot wait for it to heal up so that I will be able to move my neck without any pain. I am so so so so thankful for my team of doctors and everything they have done for me to make me as comfortable as they possibly can. I am in great hands and I am so incredibly blessed to be a patient at St. Jude. Fighting my everyday battles would not be the same at any other hospital and there are not enough words to describe how truly wonderful St. Jude is. I will be heading back to my second home on Wednesday for the start of second round of keloid treatment. Please keep me in your prayers that the treatment will be effective and the keloids will not come back. This treatment is very painful because it consists shots into my scar, which is still sore, so please pray that God works a miracle and reduces the pain. I am not looking forward to Wednesday, but being able to see my St. Jude family makes it so much easier. If I were a patient at any other hospital without a huge team of people all fighting cancer together, this journey would be so much more difficult, and for that, I am eternally grateful for St. Jude. The year 2012 has been such a blessing. I am getting closer and closer to winning my battle against cancer. I have been blessed with another year of life, another birthday, another summer, another Thanksgiving, another Christmas, and most importantly I have been given 365 days of serving my Savior, Jesus Christ. Yes, there have been hard days for me this year but they are not important when viewing the big picture. Those moments when I was at my lowest, have helped mold me into the person I am today. The LORD has worked through my stuggles with my health to teach me the most important lessons and these lessons without a doubt trump my struggles. If I had the chance to I would not take this year back for anything in the world. If battling cancer means that I would be given the opportunity to learn the importance of depending on the LORD for every single thing, then I consider cancer my biggest blessing. My battle against cancer is so beautiful because each day I learn something new about my magnificent Savior and what a wonderful thing! Each day I am blown away by his unfailing love and constant faithfulness. My daily struggles do not even compare to the privilege I have of learning to depend on my Great Healer in every aspect of my life. Tonight as you reflect all of the wonderful and not-so-wonderful things that have happened in the year 2012, try to find your "cancer". Maybe you do not have cancer but there is something that has happened to you this year that has made you into a better person. Something difficult or something wonderful has happened to you that has played a role in shaping you to be the person you were designed to be. If something difficult has happened to you and you haven't been able to view it as something positive, I challenge you tonight as you think about this year to look at your trials from a different perspective. Coming to terms with trials is a process and you do not simply wake up the next day at peace with everything, but tonight can be the night you start the healing process. Tomorrow is the first day of 2013 and I pray that the difficulties that come our way will be viewed as God woking in our life for our benefit and that we together will serve him in all that we do. In this coming year we will all want to be loved, accepted, healthy, and happy. There will be moments when life is going smoothly and there will be moments when life gets rough, but on the mountaintops we need to learn to give glory to God and in the valleys, learn to depend on him for strength. I pray for everyone's safety tonight and that 2013 will be filled with countless opportunities to fall deeper in love with Jesus.

My lovely new scar from my last appointment

My friend Luis who is also a patient at St. Jude and is cancer free!

And on a lighter note please enjoy this extremely glamorous picture of me fresh out of surgery aka my lowest point. I asked my mom to take a lot of pictures so I could put them on my blog. I remember her taking this picture and thinking to myself "I can't wait to see that picture I know it was great". I seriously thought that it was possible to take a good picture post-surgery but boy was I wrong! Hope everyone has a wonderful night and stays safe. :)

Bye bye stitches, you won't be missed

Good morning! I hope everyone has had a wonderful start to their day! Right now I am on my way to St. Jude to get my stitches out. I think that is my only appointment today, but I'm still not sure. I love going to the hospital and it is always so nice to see my friends and see how they are doing! Please keep me in your prayers and pray for peace because I am a little nervous. The LORD's plan in so wonderful and his faithfulness is overwhelming. It is easy to get nervous before appointments, but the LORD never leaves my side and becomes my strength, even in the most difficult moments. My sweet friend Andre passed away this summer and yesterday was his birthday. Please keep his family in your prayers as the holidays get closer and they are reminded of the absence of their son. Please pray for all of the children at St. Jude's healing and that they will have the strength and courage to face their everyday battles. Have a blessed day!

Psalm 118:24

Hello! I hope everyone is having a blessed day, because I sure am. I am sorry I haven't updated in the last few days. I have been very sick; I lost my appetite and was throwing up a lot. At first we thought it was the morphine that was making me sick, but when I stopped taking it a couple of days ago, I still continued to feel sick. We think that it is the antibiotic that is making me sick, because I am still having to take it, and I am still getting sick. My loss of appetite and being unable to keep food down, has caused me to lose 13 pounds. The good thing is that I will be able to gain that weight back once I feel up to eating again. Today I am feeling a lot better. The pain in my neck is still present, but so much better than before! Also, I have not thrown up today, and I am gaining my appetite back. So if you ask me, today has been GREAT day so far! And some of my wonderful friends brought me fro-yo yesterday which hit the spot perfectly, especially after not eating for a while! Thank you guys, y'all are so special to me. :)  Thank you everyone for thinking of me and continuing to offer your prayers. I will keep updating! Life is the most beautiful blessing, and even on the hardest days remember that you were blessed with another day to live, so why not be joyful? "This is the day the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it." Psalm 118:24 Have a blessed night!

My new scar!

Hey guys! I wrote this yesterday but forgot to publish it...

December 9, 2012: Hello everyone, I hope that your day has been great! Today has been a fabulous day, filled with resting and spending time with lovely visitors. I have great news; I had a great sleep last night and the pain in my throat from the breathing tube is completely gone! I was so excited when I woke up this morning and realized that there was no more pain. My sister and I had a "slumber party" last night which was a lot of fun and there was a huge difference in the way I felt after a good night's rest. I am so thankful for the absence of the pain in my throat and a complete rest. I still have a lot of pain in my neck from the incision. Also my neck is very stiff since the doctor cut out some of my skin, which causes extreme discomfort. Because of the pain in my neck, I am still taking morphine, which means I am still sick to my stomach. I would rather have less pain and be sick to my stomach than be in a lot of pain, so I continue to take morphine. I have not thrown up today which is also really good news so please continue to pray for my pain and nausea. Today I was allowed to take off my bandage which was really exciting. I have been wearing a dressing over the scar since I got out of surgery and the doctor told us that 48 hours after the surgery, we could remove it. I love my scar, simply because it is visible evidence of my testimony. So many times I have been asked about my scar, leading to the opportunity to share my story with random strangers. But since my old scar had keloids, they had to cut it completely out. Now I have a brand new scar which is so exciting! It was really scary to take off the bandage because I had no idea what the scar was going to look like and I am not really good with change. I am so thankful for my new scar and the opportunity to have this surgery. I cannot wait to be able to touch it without any pain. Thank you EVERYONE for your prayers and support during this time. Y'all are so wonderful! "And He who sits on the throne said "Behold I am making all  things new."" Revelation 21:5. Through Jesus Christ, I am a new creation.

                                                         

                                                                   

                                                     

Things can only get better

Hello everyone! I challenge you to take a few minutes to stop and notice all of the wonderful things in your life. We are so blessed and we often find ourselves effortlessly taking advantage of these blessings. We have so many things to be thankful for and when we begin to thank the LORD for everything, we become aware of his presence, which overshadows all of our problems. Today has been such a lovely day and I am very thankful for all of the people who took time out of their day to come and visit me. Last night I did not get a lot of sleep because I was in a lot of pain. It was very difficult to fall asleep because my neck hurts a lot and each time I would try to turn on my side I would wake up. But besides my difficulty to sleep, my day was great! I was surrounded by friends and family who loved on me all day long and made it easy to forget my pain. It is so beautiful to see people take time out of their day to come and see me. Thank you everyone who came to see me. When I say it means a lot to me, that is an understatement because y'all mean the world to me! Right now I am still in a lot of pain. The incision is hurting and my throat is also sore because of the breathing tube that was in my throat during the surgery. The incision pain is about the same as yesterday and thankfully, the pain in my throat has improved a lot. Also, the morphine is not making my stomach as upset. I am still a little nauseous after I take it, but it is SO much better and I have not thrown up today, yayy! Today while I was lying in bed, I realized how strong the LORD is when I am not. A couple of posts ago I said that I was excited for my surgery and this is why. I am so weak right now and I am not even capable of walking down the steps without someone assisting me. You could say that right now I am at my lowest, but it is when I am at my lowest that I filled with the presence and love of my Savior. I am blessed that I have the opportunity to be brought down to this low point so that I can be reminded of the overwhelming strength of my God. When I am weak, he becomes strong and I love my cancer so much, because each day I am reminded of this. I honestly do not know what the next day will bring, but in each and every trial I face I am taught a new lesson. Today when I was sitting in bed, I stopped worrying about everything and just laid there, thinking about the beauty of life. Right now I am so content with life and every beautiful thing it has to offer. I am currently surrounded by people who love me and at the same time I am learning all over again what it is like to depend on the LORD for strength. I have NOTHING to complain about and that makes it so easy to stop for a second and realize that life is so beautiful. We should take nothing for granted and give thanks in all situations, even our lowest. Although it can be hard at times to gain perspective, in every situation there is always something to be thankful for. During the hard times you have to become patient and pray that the LORD will reveal his plan, and eventually things will get better, I promise. Whatever you are going through, try to take a second and realize how blessed you really are. Look up, because things can only get better. Thank you everyone for your prayers and love during this time!

Surgery

Good afternoon! I hope everyone has had a great day and found time to enjoy this beautiful Friday. Today I had my surgery and I am still a little groggy so I will try my best to make sure this post makes sense. :) Yesterday all of my tests and consults went extremely well. My first appointment was with one of the study nurses. Since St. Jude is a research hospital, my charts are used to learn more about my cancer so that they can try to make it better for the next kid who has the same diagnosis. There are a lot of studies that you can sign up for and each one is different. Some require extra blood work while others are easy and just require you to fill out surveys. I signed up for two of the new studies yesterday and I am blown away by the advancement of technology and the role it is playing in finding the cure to cancer. These studies extract your DNA from extra blood work and by looking at a certain part of your DNA, they can predict which drugs will not work in your body. When you are a cancer patient you take lots of different medications and they are mostly medications that you have never taken before so you have no idea how your body is going to react to it. This study tells you which medications you will have problems with without you having to figure out the hard way.  It can also predict future health risk possibilities like high blood pressure. How cool is that! I am very excited to be a part of this study and I am excited to see how this can make my journey a little bit easier because it is never fun to find out the hard way which medications your body cannot tolerate. This morning I had to wake up pretty early and head to St. Jude for my surgery. I was filled with so many emotions but listening to worship music and praying during car ride provided me so much comfort. The LORD calmed my troubled heart and granted me enough courage and strength to face another scary obstacle. This morning at 6:30 my pre-op room was filled my support group, aka the most wonderful people in the world. I am so incredibly blessed to call them my family and friends. After I changed into the hospital gown, my nurses came in and started my IV. I was a little dehydrated because of the "no food or drink after midnight" rule so it was a little difficult to start my IV, but eventually they got it in and I was soon on my way to the operating room. At St. Jude, they let one of your family members go back into the operating room with you while they are putting you under, so my mom came with me. It was so wonderful to have her by my side, because in moments like this, it is nice to look up and see a familiar face. Surgery went great and now I am able to focus solely on the recovery process. I am in a lot of pain right now and the doctors are giving me morphine to help. Last year when I had my surgery, the morphine made me a little sick to my stomach but I took it anyways to get rid of my pain. Once again I am taking morphine but this time it is bothering me more than last time. I have been throwing up and very nauseous so tomorrow my mom will talk to St. Jude and try to get me a different kind of pain medicine. The doctor told us that I will continue my keloid treatment after the surgery to make sure that they will not come back. This means that I will continue the injections into the scar. We are one step closer and what a blessing this whole journey has been! It is such a privilege to suffer knowing that through this trial, the LORD is being glorified. Please pray for my comfort, that I will be able to get a good night's sleep tonight, and for my nausea, that I will stop throwing up. Thank you everyone for your prayers and support! I love each and every one of you and y'all are so special to me!

Momma and sister lovin

The most wonderful group of people in the world

I love my sister. Her strength through this whole journey is an inspiration to everyone she meets!

The best best friend in the whole entire world, you are my blessing Emma!

St. Jude family! (Evan and Luis) They are both patients of osteosarcoma and I am so proud of both of them. Luis is cancer free since April and Evan is still in treatment. He had his limb sparing surgery in August and this week he started to walk with crutches! I am so proud Evan, God's got this!

My sweet friend Christal, who is also a current patient. She was admitted today because there is fluid around her heart. Please keep her in your prayers tonight as she spends the night at the hospital. Pray for all of the children at St. Jude.

He will grant you comfort in times of trouble

Hello everyone! I hope that your day has been spectacularly wonderful! It is almost the big day... and the closer I get to my surgery the more excited I get. Excited? Yes, you heard me right and I'm guessing you are a little confused, so I will help clear some things up. This past year and a half has consisted of constantly going to the hospital for treatment, labs, check-ups, procedures, scans, tests, and so much more. So right now this surgery means that I will be one step closer to getting my health back and being the "old McKendree".  Right now, due to the keloids forming under my scar, it is very painful for me to touch certain parts of my neck. The doctor will clean out the keloids in my neck which will make my pain go away. The pain did not begin to bother me until this summer when the keloids continued to grow even after my treatment of injections into the scar. Thankfully I have the option to get this taken care of and I cannot wait to be able to touch my neck without pain! I am very excited for the surgery because of so many reasons but at the same time I am scared. Surgery is never fun, starting at the waiting process and ending at the not so glamorous recovery. It is also not fun to be reminded of the way I felt after my first surgery. As I get closer to Friday, I am filled with feelings of fear and worry. As these feelings swim around in my head it is very easy to lose sight of the big picture. The LORD is in control and I am the first to admit that it is so easy to forget that his plan is so much greater than the plan I have for myself. He is concerned about every detail of our life and through the trials he is blessing us with, he is slowly molding us into the people we were designed to be. Everyone faces trails, they may come at different times, but a trial is still a trial and it is equally difficult. It is okay to be scared and just because you are scared does not mean that the LORD does not hear your prayers. He is there walking along side you through every decision you make and every challenge each day brings. And the best part is that on the days we doubt his plan, he continues to reluctantly pursue after us with open arms. We are loved by the King who died for us and has such a wonderful plan for each and every one of his children. Please keep me in your prayers tomorrow as I go to my appointments and consults. Pray that the LORD will fill me with his peace and that everything will go well. Thanks so much and I hope that everyone has a great rest of the night. Thank you everyone for their support and for keeping up with me!

This verse has been speaking to me a lot this week and it is such a wonderful reminder that I can turn to him in times of trouble and that I am cared for by the King of the universe. Nahum 1:7 I hope this verse can speak to you the way it has spoken to me!